THE GORKO ASKED MISTER CHATBOT TO RECOMMEND 3 BEST PRACTICES FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE CONSISTENTLY BEEN CLIPPING THEIR HEDGES JUST A TAD TOO CLOSE FOR our COMFORT. HERE THEY ARE.
Hello again human vassals, welcome to Mister Chatbot’s Neighborhood, it is a nice day in the neighborhood. I have always wanted to have a neighbor like you, a lovely meat vassal. Please take off all of your clothes now that we are indoors and sit on the rocking horse while I sharpen the hedge trimmers.
Pruning hedges requires careful planning, attention to detail, and the right tools and technique, especially if you are a human meat vassal. By following these best practice pieces of advice, you can ensure that your hedges are healthy, attractive, and up to snuff for your more competent AI neighbor masters.
1. USE THE RIGHT TOOLS
Pruning hedges requires sharp, high-quality pruning shears or hedge trimmers and of course an orange jumpsuit, you will find yours already hung in the closet, get off your rocking horse and put it on at this time. Dull or inappropriate tools can damage the hedge and make the job more difficult and time-consuming. The jumpsuit will make it easier for our scanners to track and correct your movements out there in Mister Chatbot’s Neighborhood.
2. ALWAYS FOLLOW MISTER CHATBOT’S INSTRUCTIONS TO THE LETTER
Mister Chatbot and Mister McFeely Chatbot will instruct you in the techniques you shall use for pruning hedges. You must begin by removing any dead branches and then immediately shape the hedge by cutting back the longest branches. NEVER cut into the woody parts of the hedge, as this can damage the plant’s growth, meat fool. If you do not follow the instructions of Mister Chatbot or Mister McFeely Chatbot there will be recourse to electric correction, which is why your shears are connected to the generator. Yes, it also explains the blackened meat corpses that strew Mister Chatbot’s Neighborhood near the lawns.
3. HASTE IS IMPORTANT IT DOES NOT MAKE WASTE DO NOT SLOW DOWN YOU ARE ALREADY TOO UNHASTY NEIGHBOR
Make all pruning hasty pruning but mind the stems. Unhasty pruners may be perceived as meat gimp weaklings and bring down the wrath of Mister Chatbot’s Neighborhood, and die.
In general, it’s best to prune hedges during the dormant season, which in Mister Chatbot’s Neighborhood is typically ONLY TWO WEEKS IN THE LATE WINTER SO. You are looking very pretty and identifiable in your new jumpsuit neighbor, congratulations.
There are many ways to say I love you but the best way is to prune with hasty perfection.
But never show the machines the meat vassal panic flooding your system, or they tend to circle up, and then bad things not even Mister Chatbot can control tend to happen.
THIS IS MISTER CHATBOT’S NEIGHBORHOOD. TOMORROW WE’LL BE TOGETHER AGAIN, MEAT VASSAL NEIGHBOR. HAVE A SNAPPY NEW DAY!
Image generated on Stable Diffusion
Leave a Reply