Yes it is that time again, because though it has in fact been a great ride for the both of you, it has become more than clear to anyone paying attention that is more than time to part ways, which is the occasion for which you have selected the elegant but unpretentious Gorko House of Pancakes to stage the big breakup.
But what to order to pair with this momentous event, something not too sweet, not too savory, substantial enough to weather a good bitch-out, but that will not congeal in its own grease if you are forced to linger over words or even (God forbid) tears? We asked Gorko Chef Rambo Bolillo to give us a few recommendations from his kitchen, and this is what he came up with.
GHOP CHILLED SEAFOOD PLATTER – $105
One of the main problems with the big breakup is the risk of food getting cold, as it often inappropriate to continue to stuff your face while your partner is looking at their hands, gazing wistfully out the window, choking up, or engaging in another long, wheezy sigh. Voila! Let us suggest for the drawn-out breakup meal a platter of seafood that is ALREADY COLD, the GHOP Chilled Seafood Platter, consisting in half a Maine lobster, half dozen oysters (uh oh), shrimp cocktail, bowl of ceviche, and bottomless Keluga caviar. Right off the bat you eliminate one of your main worries: letting that piping hot dish you ordered (and baby this date is not a cheap one) go to waste.
GHOP ASPARAGUS SALAD WITH HAND-PULLED QUESILLO – $55
If you want something you can really pick at during that big breakup, what better option could there be than an excellently priced, delicious salad? Try the GHOP Asparagus Salad with hand-pulled (jerked) quesillo, white truffle, spring chives, and pickled watercress viniagrette. The jerked quesillo alone is guaranteed to send a distinct message: I am secure in my decision to live my life by my rules, at my pace.
GHOP BLUEFIN TUNA ON THYME TOASTED BROWN RICE – $143
Few cuts of beef or pork can maintain their elegance or should we say ELOQUENCE on a plate for the duration of a heavy, deeply unsettling conversation like a hunk of fish. Is the eye on the plate in fact winking at them, they will wonder as the reality of the breakup begins to settle on their shoulders like a vest of lead. A fish on a plate is in fact like bringing a friend to the breakup, a friend who has already given its life for you — and so much more.
If you are in need of serious relationship advice, Rambo is still sleeping on our couch, so you know where to find him.
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