A TELL-ALL CONFESSION BY LITTLE DAVID GREENER
People get into different kinds of hobbies depending on what their interests are. The girls at my school all do beads and craft baskets, or write pomes. Some with the help of their parents create luxury items for resale like lavender soap or perfume. Billy Schmidt likes to throw rocks at cars. For me it is all about the Legos. See, I like Legos.
Excerpts taken from Little David Greener’s authoritative monograph I Like Legos (1993, Flounder & Porkskin). All opinions are Little David Greener’s.
LEGOS IN THE MORNING
I like Legos so much that I have often feigned my own sickness or death in order to stay home and play Legos. The ways to artificially raise your own temperature in the hopes of faking a bad fever, for example, are well-known and documented in Nancy Drew and Tom Sawyer. Once the temperature is taken care of, the only thing left to do is the nasty business with the thermometer.
My prized Lego set is of course my Renegade Runner Lego ship (181 pieces), but they have more recently come under attack from both the pirates of Cannon Cove (106 pieces) and the dastardly Chopper Cops (only 69 pieces). These are I admit bad anachronisms in both cases, but Mom says Legos are expensive, so Chopper Cops became the bad guys. I changes some details on their faces to make them look more like bad guys.
LEGOS IN THE EVENING
Sometimes Derek insists on us all sitting down after dinner to watch TV, something he calls Family Bonding, even though he is NOT our real dad, just some guy. I like to play Legos on the floor once Derek gets distracted or falls into one of his disgusting beer naps. This is also the best opportunity you are going to get to strew random Lego bricks in strategic spots across the carpet.
LEGOS ALL NIGHT!
Once Mom and Derek retire to the main bedroom, where Derek is sometimes allowed to sleep over if he brings us KFC, I essentially have the run of the house. You can play Legos under a blanket with a flashlight for literal hours instead of sleeping, or tossing and turning in the dark.
Image generated on Stable Diffusion
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