Hello friends. My name is Lemon Reilly, your Life Doctor. I am a Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist and Homeopath with freshly smelling, non-creepy offices in Peoria. I offer safe healing alternatives that complement my physical remedies, guiding seekers with special techniques to help them achieve peace, joy, and life fulfillment.
Lupita von Barge from Tupelo writes:
Dear Lemon Riley, Recently I took the big step in my life: I decided to stop eating animal meat, eggs, and foods prepared using animal fats, and went full-on cannibal. That’s right, I now only eat safely prepared, eco-conscious meat from human donors. One of the unintended side effects of this decision, however, is that now people treat me like I am some kind of freak when I am handed a menu at a restaurant. Friends, family, and even waiters will seize the revelation that I am a cannibal as an opportunity to inform me of what I can and can not eat on any given menu, pointing out for example that everything on page 3 is chicken or vegetarian, and my only true option is the chubbo at table 6! It is truly unbelievable that they think that just because I am a cannibal I am also some sort of illiterate retard. How can I deal with this uncomfortable situation?
Lemon replies:
If it is indeed your husband Mansplainer whom you are out to dinner with, Lupita, I would say with a finely minced mirepoix and tons of salt.
Lupita von Barge (a different Lupita von Barge, this one from South Peoria) writes:
Hi Lemon, Our children are absolute goblins, especially when we take them out in public. As soon as we turn our backs on them, you can hear the sound of shattering glass and complete strangers being tripped up from behind with improvised sticks. It is like when the bar fight starts in one of those old westerns, complete pandemonium! We recently were forced to take out Child Insurance for each of the three good-for-nothings to cover damages totaling in more than three million dollars, and were told that we were no longer welcome in Belize. Our options are shrinking, Lemondrop, while it seems as though our children are only becoming stronger. Whatever shall we do?
Lemon replies:
I am forwarding you the email address and phone number of the other Lupita von Barge in Peoria. She is a professional babysitter with amazing references and rates.
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