The Gorko Gazette

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thegorkogazette

4.25.2026 7:07 AM

Mom said I had to invite the whole class to my slumber party, which includes the girl who always pretends she’s Werner Herzog, who didn’t break character all night by Casey Garfield

Mom said I had to invite the whole class to my slumber party, which includes the girl who always pretends she’s Werner Herzog, who didn’t break character all night

It’s not started well. I was really clear in the invite that we were all going to try wearing high heels, but she only brought crocs. She said they were technically edible and she wanted to be prepared in case she lost a bet, then didn’t expand on that at all. Weird.

She didn’t want to do her nails with us, just film the whole process, talking about how the color would run from the nail beds making growth a kind of decay. She was kicking her feet the whole time though. It’s kind of nice that she’s having fun, I guess, even if I don’t know if I get her fun.

I wanted the other girls to give her a chance too, so I dared her to make the prank call and she said ‘We are doing a survey. Is your refrigerator running?’

‘And how many other electrical devices are currently running? And how many single use plastics do you use in a week, would you say? And what would you estimate that to be in a year? And do you consider that to be roughly an average amount? And how many neighbours do you have? You sound uncomfortable with your uncertainty. Yes, this is all part of the survey. No, I sound completely normal.’

‘Does it worry you, to think of the culmination of all of these average households and their waste? Do you think your neighbours each consider themselves to be exceptional also? How would you rate your ability to sleep at night?’

‘Circling back to the matter of your refrigerator, do you think you have veered so far from the animal which God intended for you to be that you would struggle to survive without the modern miracles you have allowed to become mundane? …Then you had better go catch it.’

And we were like ‘Oh my god, do you think he knew it was us?’ and Werner was like ‘How much can any man truly know another.’

ABOUT THE ARTIST

Casey Garfield is a poet, publisher and pal who is alarmingly easy to find online. The darker patch on their jeans in the author photo is an unfortunate shadow cast by their hand. They promise they didn’t piss themselves in their author photo.