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Angry Bird

I’m a pink puppet flamingo called Finnella. They call me the ‘Angry Bird’. People are always asking, why I’m such a stroppy bird.

You see I’m a puppet with massive anger issues, and I’ve got a lot to be annoyed about.

For a start I’m paired up with a stupid idiot who gets star billing. Imagine that dickhead’s name is above mine – my name’s underneath, in smaller letters, like the afterthought.

I see a therapist once a week. They tell me I’ve got separation issues. I tell her I can’t wait to be separated from that gormless piece of shit.

That’s another problem I’ve got. They’re not happy with me because I swear constantly on set. I can’t help it. Everything is triggering and winds me up.

I’m on my final warning after attacking teen idol Mickie Z on her show. Well, she wound me up with her stupid questions and whiney voice, treating me as if I was a child.

Being a puppet you get a lot of that. It bugs me when people ask my co star about me, and ignore me as if i wasn’t there.

I want to go solo, but no one takes me seriously. That gets my goat too.

I’m sick of the way that I’m thrown around all the time in the act and insulted and told off, ‘Don’t do this , don’t do that, oohhh you’re such a silly flamingo’, he always says in a daft, childish voice.

And then at the end I’m thrown into a box, dumped with all the other puppets. They can’t stand me. I don’t care, I can’t stand them either.

It’s cramped in there, dark and smells of mange. I’m sure the other puppets fart in there on purpose.

There’s another puppet that comes on the show, it’s called Charlie the cheeky chimpanzee. It just grins all the time. I want to punch its stupid teeth in. If Charlie thinks he can take over my spot on the show, he’s sadly mistaken. I’ll rip his arms off if he tries.

I can’t stand the brats they have every week in the audience, they’re always screaming and jumping up and down on their seats. They’re always trying to touch me with their messy sticky hands. I got into trouble for biting one of the brats on the nose. It caused a stink. I had to apologise and sign up for therapy. The producer got the sack, which was great as I hated her guts.

You’d think the kids would shut up after I did that, but no they scream even more. It’s like they want me to go berserk. I swear I’ll rip some fucken kids face off soon. I love a good scrap.

I was in a bar brawl last year. I glassed a bouncer. Someone was ruffling my feathers. It all got covered up.

I used to get invited to showbiz parties. Not anymore, not since I threw up all over the beloved, veteran actress, Pandora Wellsby. I’m glad I did it as I can’t stand her and for good measure I pissed in her swimming pool.

Now I’m spending more time locked away in the box. I can’t stand it, I’m ready to explode! And then they’ll see some feathers fly.

They were trying to build my image up as some dainty, delightful demure creature what with having fluffy pink feathers and all. Unfortunately all the fights and scandals have tarnished my image somewhat.

The press have nicknamed me, ‘Fiery Finnella’

I don’t care one day this feisty flamingo is going to go and fly away and be free.

Oh by the way, that question you were all wondering – why I’m such an angry bird. Well wouldn’t you be if your co star had his arm rammed up your arse all the time?

About the artist

Simon is a ND writer from England. He is a member of the All Seasons writing group. He will be publishing a collection of contemporary Gothic poetry later this year. He seeks stillness and solitude.