Local child reporter Nadira has noted in the latest issue of her celebrated newsletter The Nadira Nose that Uncle Toby is still putting out ads in the local Personals section of Illinois’ own Peoria Pied Piper.
Suitably enough, his latest caption reads OLDIE BUT GOODIE.
‘The body of the personals ad goes from bad to worse,’ writes the young sleuth. ‘It is a tragic cry for help from a man who only just turned 49.’
The ad reads, in part:
OLDIE BUT GOODIE EXCLAMATION POINT X3 STOP TALL HANSUM WELL OFT STOP WILL DO DISHES SUNDAYS STOP LONG WALKS CANDLELIT DINNERS STOP MY PLACE OR YOURS (QUERY) STOP BIGOTRY STOP
BIGOTRY, according to the ever-trusty Adams Cable Index of 1894, is Morse telegraphy shorthand for ‘Please name and reserve berth for one lady.’
The Nadira Nose concludes: ‘Apparently Uncle Toby thought he was sending a telegram.’