THE CIGAR SHOP HIPSTER WHO IS KEEPING ALL OF YOUR SNIPPED ENDS
LOVE DOGS ON THE FROZEN PLANET: A MITCHELL KENNEDY ORIGINAL
SNIPPING THEIR HEDGES JUST A LITTLE TOO CLOSE? 3 BEST PRACTICES FROM MISTER CHATBOT
MIND YOUR P’S AND Q’S WITH THIS HANDY LITTLE GRAMMAR SPRAY
HELLO, MR. CHATBOT! MR. CHATBOT DOES FANNY PACK JOKES
Gorko Entertainment Editor Mitchell Kennedy takes a big bite out of the new Metro-Goldwyn-Wiener romantic comedy Meg 2, chews twice, and swallows!
SPOILER ALERTS: MITCHELL HAS MISTAKEN THE 2023 WARNER BROS. PREHISTORIC SHARK FILM MEG 2 for THE NORWEGIAN FJORD CUTT’S 1985 MEGAN II, THE STORY OF AN ORDINARY BUT BEAUTIFUL HOUSEMAID WHO IS MISTAKEN FOR PRINCESS INGRID LOUISE OF NORWAY.
TRIGGER WARNINGS: KINDS HEARTS AND SNIPPY CORONETS.
Every generation needs to find and adulate at the feet of its defining romantic comedy, and I do believe this summer’s blockbuster rom-com, Meg 2, which I was lucky enough to find in my local ‘VINTAGE-H-S’ movie rental store, run by my friend and podiatrist-for-men Dmitriy, neatly fits the billing. This crisply directed yet grainy-looking princess-and-pauperess modern fairy tale contains all the elements necessary to sweep a new generation of moviegoers off their feet: throwback sound effects in a garbled dialect I took to be British English, a soaring score by conductor Bjorn Magnus, and the strangely postmodern aesthetic decision to allow the young princesses (there are two of them, both about fifteen, although one turns out to be a fake) to smoke like chimneys, but never once touch a cell phone. It is as daring a move as I have seen in a production this size since Brad Winston had the starlet Ginny Gregg ride the little grey pony across the bridge and into the sunset in Bonemasters 7, and made a generation weep.
Calm down, @Todd, that was a different movie — for a different generation.
Lead teeny-bop non-princess Ida Larsen, who as advertised has a gigormous set of choppers, probably also fake, has been hired by the caretakers of the castle Astrid to be a toothy, downtrodden charmaid, but on her very first day accidentally swaps clothes with Princess of Norway Ingrid Louise (no hanky panky involved however, this new generation is a strangely asexual breed and demands to see itself on screen), who was trying to play a practical joke on Spinster Astrid, and thrust into the middle of the modern Norwegian parlour society, with her rough manners and little rough hands!
Needless to say @Todd and I were soon rolling in the aisles of our basement movie den (we make a kind of mini cinema down there out of couch cushions and pillows) at the comic misunderstandings and rapid sequence of faux pas, including one delightful close-up of Ida’s dentures sinking into a bite of cat chow, that result in this classic fish-out-of-water scenario.
At this point we paused to refill our popcorn buckets and tall Norwegian Dr. Peppers. A Norwegian Dr. Pepper is a tall iced glass of the classic American soft drink with a splash of (non-alcoholic!) Aquavit. Yum!
Both role of mixed-up charmaid and princess are played to TOO much perfection by the charming, sexy, talented Jared Leto, so that by the time the ‘princess’ stumbles into the billiard room (strictly a male room, reserved for games between gentlemen only) and sprawls in an unladylike fashion across the table and chest of the regal love interest Prince Anders, teeth knocking together helplessly, I confess that not even I, a famous movie critic, was even sure what was going on!
Ruff ruff, ruff ruff, barked lovely little Ampersat Todd, my furry movie sidekick, however, drawing my attention to the fact that Jared Leto in his OTHER role as the ousted, freshly downtrodden Princess of Norway Ingrid Louise, in the trappings of a chimney tramp, had escaped the pointy boots of Spinster Astrid and was pounding on the glass of the billiard room, trying to get the attention of her sister’s fiancee Prince Anders! Ah, but by that time the starstruck Prince Anders had eyes for no one in this world but the disguised Ida Larsen, declaring that he had never in his life seen such grace in such clumsy, vulgar motions (Ida is not good at walking except in slippers) or so much eloquence in such a limited vocabulary (Ida only knows to grunt, and chew food with her oversized, jutting bicuspids).
Indeed this movie was not at all like the one we expected, considering that the poster features a man in a wetsuit on waterskiis being pursued by a gargantuan shark, but it goes to show you how far movie poster art has come since the last time I reviewed a film, in May.
I won’t tell you how this gem in the crown of fake Princess Ida ends. I will just tell you to go immediately and see Meg 2, and be the first of your little modern friends to be swept off of your feet, and into the future by a muscular prince, and sheer serendipitous happenstance.
Five out of five Norwegian puppies! Bärk bärk bärk, bärk bärk!
Images rendered on Craiyon
ABOUT MITCHELL KENNEDY
Mitchell Kennedy (M.F.A. Film Studies 1984, Leonard University) is the Gorko entertainment editor. He writes the weekly film column Mitch’s Movie Mash with his puppy Ampersat Todd.