Hello friends. My name is Lemon Reilly, your Life Doctor. I am a Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist and Homeopath with freshly smelling, non-creepy offices in Peoria. I offer safe healing alternatives that complement my physical remedies, guiding seekers with special techniques to help them achieve peace, joy, and life fulfillment.
‘Julia Frankenheimer-Fischer’ (not her real name) from Peoria writes:
My husband ‘Darryl Mark Fischer Jr.’ (not his real name) and I got married at ‘Third Presbyterian Church’ (not its real name) in ‘Peoria, Illinois’ (it was actually Las Vegas, Nevada) after high school and then ‘Darryl’ (his name was Robert Mark Mischer Jr. but I think he wouldn’t have minded being called Darryl, in fact I used to call him Robert when we role played that I was the man and he was the boy) was hit by a ‘falling piano’ (it was not actually a piano, but a runaway truck), lingered on in and out of a coma for a week, and died. His last wish was for me to hire a male escort and see the ‘Bee Gees’ (not really the Bee Gees, the band in question was the Eagles) live in concert, and to call the escort ‘Darryl’ Robert. I contacted ‘Darryl’ the gigolo but the Eagles reunion concert is sold out! Could I have missed their last Tequila Sunrise?
I also had great hopes of seeing ‘the Bee Gees’ in concert this year, ‘Julia’, since they announced it would be their final ever tour, but the ‘Johnson family’ (it was really the Markenbaldis) with their gold card and pesky good luck bought the last seats in the Peoria show right out from under me. Yet do not despair, Lorena (I know it is you, hee hee), for ‘the Bee Gees’ have made outrageous claims about never reuniting for tours in the past. Hell just might freeze over in 2024, and then you can fulfill your dead husband’s strange wish.
Did he also want you to engage in hanky panky with ‘Darryl’/Robert, or is the stud just for looks?
Rose M. from DOWNTOWN HELL writes:
It seems as though my morning commute is the most stressful, unpleasant part of my day. I get to the office after fighting 40 minutes through traffic, and I am just plain grouchy! I can’t even say good morning to my office pals, and I am a FRIENDLY person. What should I do, Lemon? Should I sign up for a Lemon Relaxation Retreat?
Please do NOT sign up for a Lemon Relaxation Retreat, Rose M., you will probably just spoil the whole thing for the other campers, and myself. Look, unlike most people I have the luxury of working from home…well, from what I am calling home these days, The Gorko Gazette headquarters in West Peoria, but so far from DOWNTOWN HELL it feels like my own slice of Heaven. I don’t have to commute, and I am always in a great mood, making cheerful little remarks to people, and going around in my bathrobe and slippers like a king! Try to be more like me.