The Gorko Gazette

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thegorkogazette

12.26.2024 6:38 AM

GORKO IS GAME FOR THE NEW YEAR

GORKO’S GAMES TO RING IN 2025

As we get ready to blow the whistle on 2024, make sure to make your final festivities of the year memorable! Below are three new parlor games that are guaranteed to eclipse the dropping of the balls.

Strip dice

Materials: 2 strip dice, one red and one green, with six sides: accessories, hat, shoes, shirt/blouse, pants/skirt, underwear

Players: 2 or more, fully dressed, in the rain (if the day is snowy, players may stand in the snow)

The Play: Players each roll one die to diecide who will go first. The player who rolls the green hat goes first. This is Player 1. Player 1 rolls both dice and removes whatever red article of clothing that comes up. The green articles do not have to be taken off, or may be put back on if already removed. If both a red and green hat are rolled, the hat must be taken off, and then put back on. After Player 1 rolls, it is player 2’s turn. A player wins the game when his or her opponent is completely exposed on the local news.

Chicken Fight

Two teams each send their best chicken to center ring to fight for the lives of their fellow feathered people. Are you chicken, or will you go to the Chicken Cemetery?

Players: 2 teams of six, eight, ten, or more ‘Chickens’ in even numbers. Innocent bystanders (20-40) divided in half, each pertaining to 1 team. If an odd chicken joins the game at the last second it may be used as a Battery Chicken (Purely Defensive Chicken).

The Play:
5 ROUNDS OF 10 SECONDS. Chickens leave their corners and hop with 1 leg suspended by 1 ‘wing’ into the Death Circle. Either leg may be used but under no circumstances may chickens change legs once play has begun. The occupied ‘wing(s)’ must be bound to the chicken’s body by sturdy wire. The free ‘wing(s)’ clutch the handle of a Chicken Fight Knife™, normally secured with white sports tape. Chicken combatants attempt to kill each other in any way possible including: bumping with chest, knocking with head, biting with ‘beak’ (teeth), smothering in mud unconscious, or stabbing slashing or stabbing with Chicken Fight Knife™, far and away the most popular and successful method.

Training Rounds:
NO CLOCK. NO KNIVES. All chickens from both teams mill and fight in a double-elimination-style tournament. A chicken wins by forcing the opposing chicken to lose its balance and fall to the ground. The winners and losers are arranged in their own teams according to record.

Qualifying Rounds and Championship:
5 ROUNDS OF 10 SECONDS. KNIVES OK. The best and worst chickens from each team square off and try to kill each other. If they fail to kill each other after 5 rounds .45 caliber revolvers are substituted for Chicken Fight Knives™. Winners advance until there are only two chickens remaining. Winner is permitted to take the innocent bystanders on the loser’s side as slaves.

Slap My Face Game

Similar to Chicken Fight, but non-lethal. Players take turns striking each other’s unprotected faces with open palms. Striker and stricken must both stand within slapping distance with both feet on the ground. The player who loses consciousness first loses. This is a fun game, best played tournament bracket style, with names scrawled in blood across the living room wall.

Image generated on Magic Studio