Once upon a time it seemed like common knowledge that all you needed for a party was a bottle of wine and some sort of mattress. Well times have changed, and if you don’t change with them you might just get left behind — not to mention stuck with a useless, snoring man who has not even bothered to take off his shoes.
Here are 3 things to give a man instead of a mattress that are guaranteed to spice things up in the bedroom!
A LAWNMOWER
Nothing says ‘Don’t roll over and go to sleep, Darryl, it is business time’ to a man like a state-of-the-art riding lawnmower. Who has time for sleep when there is grass to be cut?
$20
The gift of cash, though traditionally reviled in Peoria circles, is not always the worst idea. It is better, for example, than that autographed copy of poems by Vince Neil, Rat-Tailed Vince. Watch his eyes light up, and scramble for the local 7-11! Maybe he’ll come back with some Hot Stix.
A KAZOO
Take control of your love life while he is distracted blowing on his new whistle. Guaranteed for more than 35 minutes of non-stop diversion, kazoos come in different colors so you can match the gift to his personality, assuming he has one.
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Image: Early Kazoo 1879.jpg
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