Month: March 2022
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SHIT, THIS IS NOT MY FERRARI F8 TRIBUTO
Normally I notice right away because of all of the custom gold on the stick but I must have just been distracted.
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HORSEBACK RIDING: CAN IT CURE INSOMNIA?
The question posed by bestselling Peoria-area author Paulette Joseph in her latest self-help book Pony Tales #14: Sleepless Rider, whether horseback riding can be the long-sought cure for insomnia, may just find an answer in the protagonist’s final soliloquy, as…
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GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN
This just in from Gorko lead reporter Pete UK! Contrary to all reports, despite being the fortunate ones when the phone rings in the middle of the night, when the workin day is done, ho hoooooo, GIRLS JUST WANT TO…
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OPINION: WHY THE LIGHTS ARE STILL ON AT JACK AND BARBARA’S HOUSE
The incident has been reported to authorities and police supposedly are on their way to the scene of the crime.
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COOK AS THE GREATS OF ENGLISH LITERATURE COOKED 101: LAY THE SIZZLING PAN OF WATER ONTO THE HOB OF VEG YET NE’ER STIRRING
CLASSIC SUNDAE DIN(N)ER POT (ROAST) (8 hours)
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HILARIOUS! COUPLE SETS RECORD FOR MOST TRAGIC EXCUSE TO SKIP AHEAD IN LINE AT AIRPORT YOU HAVE EVER HEARD
The buck, as they say, stopped directly in line behind us.
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CHEESY, DREAMY: OUR EXPERTS DISSECT A PEPPEPIDGE FARMS GOLDFISH
The definitive way to eat the reportedly cheesy, dreamy snack food.
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ILLINOIS TOWN CASHES IN ON LOCAL CREEP TOBY
The Peoria suburb of Squats are indeed making groundbreaking strides towards answering the question of what to do with local creep Toby.
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ARE YOU AS DRUNK AS A LORD? TAKE OUR FREE QUIZ TO FIND OUT
You have been drinking since 10 am and are definitely batshit drunk, but the question is: are you as drunk as a lord? Take our free quiz to find out. (1-3 minutes) Reliability: 88% Photo by Joshua J. Cotten on…
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THESE PUMPKIN SPICE COOKIES WITH CREAM CHEESE FROSTING ARE THE PERFECT HOLIDAY TREAT, TOO BAD IT’S MARCH
My famous pumpkin spice cookies with cream cheese frosting are definitely near the top of the holiday list.
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NEW KID ON THE BLOCK? THE BEST THERMAL UNDERWEAR FOR THE 2022 PEORIA DATING SCENE
Nothing says ‘I am desperate for a bit of attention from a stranger’ like hot pink or flaming red long johns.
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KNOW BEFORE YOU GO: DURING THE ATOMIC WINTER YOUR NEIGHBOR JEFF WILL PROBABLY HAVE CONTROL OF LOCAL FALLOUT SHELTER
You know what they say, what you may or may not know about the atomic winter will probably bite your nuts off. That is why The Gorko has been closely following Peoria local Jeff ‘JeffDawg’ Schwartz as he has consolidated…
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2 Poems by Gene Goldfarb
The Good Bus Who are the people who compare me to a steam roller?I don’t ask anyone to throw their victims under me.Who calls me, in effect, the grim reaper by cutting offthe life expectancy of someone who got hit…
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THE CHURCH AND YOU: WHERE TO SIT, WHAT TO WEAR
Here is The Gorko’s guide to making a seamless transition into the body of Christ: basically where to sit and what to wear.
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CHECK OUT THE LEGS ON THIS MULE
Mule and Muleteer, 1832-1834 by John Frederick Lewis: Photo by Birmingham Museums Trust on Unsplash YOU MAY ALSO LIKE…
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HEARTBREAKING: WE BOUGHT THE LAST PAW PATROL EXTENDING LADDER FIRETRUCK OUT FROM UNDER THIS LITTLE KID WHO HAD SAVED HIS ALLOWANCE FOR MONTHS TO BUY IT
Once again just beating local child Liam Shelby to the punch in the local Toys US ‘TRUCKS AND CARS’ aisle, Gorko reporters snatched up the last remaining PAW Patrol™ Extending Ladder Firetruck for their cop and firedogs collection. ‘Wah wah…
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WAIT THIS IS NOT THE UPPER MISSISSIPPI
Must have made a few bad turns. In fact this is not even a river. Photo by Mads Schmidt Rasmussen on Unsplash YOU MAY ALSO LIKE…
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NEW BOARD GAME A HIT!
by George Coufos COVID v. Cancel (AKA: No LIFE) Just when you thought things couldn’t get any better, along comes the COVID-19-Cancel Culture board game! It’s surely a sign of the times since it would make no sense at any…
