3 SMALL HORSES THAT ARE REALLY INTERNATIONAL ESPIONAGE AGENTS

RIDE BABY RIDE

Miniature horses are all the rage this year in Peoria, and you may have even had your own child beg you to shell out the 5 large you would need for a starter mini, and been tempted by the obvious benefits: miniature horses are cute with pleasant demeanors, are easy to train to leap through hoops of fire, they fit in the drawing room, you don’t need a ladder to mount them, and the feed cost and waste disposal requirements for minis are only one quarter that of large horses. You could basically just put your new mini out to graze in the backyard tomorrow!

BUT THEY ARE WORKING FOR THE ENEMY

Before you pull the trigger on a miniature horse craze, however, pause to consider the small horses who have been identified and ousted as foreign service moles, espionage turncoats with cute little manes. Below are three of the most notorious cases.

SHETLAND SHELDON

Shetland Sheldan, a Shetland pony, was a Central Intelligence Agency officer convicted of espionage for the Soviet Union in the 1980s. After compromising the identities of more than 30 CIA agents in Indonesia (they were assassinated by KGB operatives) he attempted to escape into the Scottish uplands, but was captured and eventually ‘handed down’ eight consecutive life sentences in prison in horse years.

NORWAY NELLY

Norway Nelly was a Norwegian Fjord who took part in Soviet activities in southern California for five years while serving as the Secretary General of the CPUSA. Sentenced to four years in federal prison in 1978, she was paroled in 1980 and promptly vanished, possibly aboard a Soviet attack submarine, although Soviet officials have denied knowing the whereabouts of any small American horse spies.

FAROE THE PHAROAH

Faroe the Pharoah, a Faroe pony, obtained his nickname by betraying 12 American operatives in Cairo to KGB-run Egyptian intelligence officers. He later admitted to having become disillusioned with the American way of life, especially the dismal state of the small horse dating/mating scene in northern Virginia. After serving his ‘life’ sentence on RikersIsland, he reportedly mailed away for a Russian Yakutian, and they run free together happily in Connecticut to this day.