Here we are at the half-way point of 2023! Six months of flickering cinematic pleasure, laughter, and horror behind us, or under the kimono if you will! Observe as none other than me, The Gorko Entertainment Editor Mitchell Kennedy, sticks a fork in those months of moviegoing madness with my annual LET’S JUMP THE GUN – my (Mitch’s) top movie picks of the year, only halfway through the year! What could go wrong.
POINTS ARE TOTALLED FROM MY HIGHLY OBJECTIVE MASH THAT FLICK!® SCORESHEET, THAT INCLUDES BUT MAY NOT BE LIMITED TO: POPULARITY, GROSS IN USD, FUNNY MOMENTS THAT MADE ME PEE MY PANTS, SCARY MOMENTS THAT MADE ME SHRIEK AND THEN GASP, TAIL WAG TOTAL FROM MY MOVIE PUP @TODD, AND POPCORN MOVES (TOTALLY ENTRANCED DIPS OF THE HAND INTO THE BUTTERED POPCORN BUCKET).
2023 SCORES RANGED FROM 1.2 TO 99.9. A PERFECT SCORE IS 100.
10. SCHOOL OF MAGICAL ANIMALS
Children in Ida’s new school are really mean to each other! Imagine that! Ida however soon forms a secret friendship with Teacher Doug Dog and his magic puppet Pinky Ray.
@Todd: Woof? 3.0
Mitchell Pro Movie Critic: Woof woof! 3.0
9. OTHER PEOPLE’S CHILDREN
Another movie for perverts, this is a documentary about how most kidnappings occur when you are within 10 miles of your own home.
Mitchell Pro Movie Critic: 30.0
8. CHILE ’76
When Gorko Chef Rambo Bolillo asks Carmen to softly sautée his favorite batch of de arbol chiles, she steps into a world of danger and spice.
Mitchell Pro Movie Critic: 32.6
Take a plunge into the sweet and mystic river that is high-stakes bourbon-guzzling! Follow Judd and Billy Mack as they tipple, and topple their way across Kentucky.
Mitchell Pro Movie Critic: 55.6
6. COCAINE BEAR
The feature-length animated story of a teddy bear who, after losing his teddy bear wife and teddy bear babies in a tornado or hurricane (the whole scene was fuzzy) turns to drugs and a life of crime to fill the place in his chest where a living, pumping bear heart should be.
Mitchell Pro Movie Critic: 79.5
5. ARE YOU THERE, GOD? IT’S ME MARGARET
When her family sells her to a local pimp, 11-year-old Margaret is forced to adopt his religion — and he is VERY religious.
Mitchell Pro Movie Critic: 83.0
A film primarily about mummies. The mummies are unleashed from a pyramid in modern Egypt.
Mitchell Pro Movie Critic: 83.1
3. LONELY CASTLE IN THE MIRROR
Seven teens discover a lonely castle in the mirror. When they turn around, it is the castle that someone built on the other side of the highway from their house! What will they do next?
Mitchell Pro Movie Critic: 93.7
2. 80 For Brady
An NFL quarterback named Tim Brady, taking advantage of an amazing new technology, attempts a comeback after nearly 40 years away from the sport.
Mitchell Pro Movie Critic: 98.7
Many famous people who were big rollers in the Roaring Twenties have an orgy with elephants and exotic fruit in a mansion in Southern California. No one knows what the hell which side is up.
Mitchell Pro Movie Critic: 99.9
Images rendered on Craiyon
ABOUT MITCHELL KENNEDY
Mitchell Kennedy (M.F.A. Film Studies 1984, Leonard University) is the Gorko entertainment editor. He writes the weekly film column Mitch’s Movie Mash with his puppy Ampersat Todd.