Month: November 2021
-
WHY DO I ALWAYS GET THE GROUCHY BARTENDER
It was one thing to get the grouchy shoe salesperson and the grouchy taxi driver. I even put up with the grouchy bellhop, rude waiter, unpleasant sommelier, and pissy booking agent. But I am putting my foot down right now…
-
Upcoming Movie: ‘Christmas Confexxxion 3’
The latest Candycane Productions straight-to-DVD release, Christmas Confexxxion 3, is just in time for the holiday season, and boy are we gingerbready for this one. Starring Jane Cheddar and Clark Tony as Mrs. and Santa Claus, respectively, the movie deals…
-
HEARTWARMING: THE MOMENT THIS MERMAID’S MOST FERVENT WISH WAS ANSWERED
Photo by bady abbas on Unsplash
-
QUICK SOMEONE GET THIS WOMAN A STEAMING CUP OF TEA TO ENJOY
She is standing at the window right now with a look on her face that shouts introspection, nostalgia, a true wistful hankering. This is the deepest thinking of her entire week, and she is not even holding a steaming cup…
-
Mitch’s Movie Mash: ‘Insurgent’ teaches us how to laugh and love
‘INSURGENT’ TEACHES US HOW TO LAUGH AND LOVE I would call myself more an actor than a director. As many people know, I used to be a musical performer and I would play in front of large audiences, some of…
-
HEY WHY IS THERE NO VERMOUTH AT THIS SALAD BAR
It looks like all you have here, in fact, are vegetables. Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash
-
The Theme of the Week is Getting One Up On The Joneses
You can stop feeling crushed and small, because this week’s theme is all about Getting One Up On The Joneses.
-
HANDS-DOWN BEST JAPANESE SAKI TO JUST LOOK AT
The pure variety of Japanese saki can be daunting to the amateur rice wine dabbler, but not as daunting as the actual prices. Here are three sakis we recommend to break your bank and leave you wanting more. All prices…
-
YOU KNOW THAT SCENE IN ‘AMERICAN HISTORY X’ I AM TALKING ABOUT
You mean the one where…uh…yeah, I do. In the shower. No you sick f#$*. Not the prison rape scene. Then the curbing scene. Where he curbs that guy. NO GOD. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU. Those are like THE iconic…
-
Poet’s Corner: ‘A Tale’
Commentary by Tark Mackintosh ‘A Tale’ One of the earliest surviving poems by Gulliver S. Gulliver, writing as a child under the pen name (name of the plum in French) of New York Sun, possibly a play on sun/son. river……
-
NEW ‘SUPER COLD’ REPORTEDLY SUPER UPBEAT AND FUN
People are dying to catch the new viral infection from England
-
CRYPTID CURRENCY REBOUNDS IN GREAT NORTHWEST
A continuing recovery for cryptid currencies Bigcoin and Mothlite has seen the currencies peak as high as $54,000 in the Great Northwest this week, continuing their recovery from a mid-year slump that saw more and more critics express doubt about…
-
CONTINENTAL BREAKFAST? FUCK OFF
(For AOO) Photo by Melissa Walker Horn on Unsplash YOU MAY ALSO LIKE…
-
5:43 PM AND PRESSURE MOUNTING ON GORDON RAMSAY TO MAKE TONIGHT’S DINNER A SPECIAL DINNER
We are now roughly forty minutes into this Gordon Ramsay cooking segment in which he was supposed to walk us through how to make egg and beef dumplings and pressure is really starting to mount on the award-winning chef. The…
-
USE ‘NIPPLE’ IN A SENTENCE WHILE WALKING A HIGHWIRE OVER NIAGARA FALLS, I DARE YA
I’ll bet you can’t use the word ‘nipple’ in a sentence while at the same time crossing Niagara Falls on a highwire, balancing pole or otherwise. You just aren’t that good with words. I bet you can’t recite God Bless…
-
SHE MET HIM AT THE AQUARIUM. THIS IS WHERE THEY WENT NEXT
She met him at the aquarium. This was a planned meeting that they had set up beforehand on WhatsApp. They had known each other for 3 years and had been dating seriously for 2. This was something like their 500th…
-
INSTEAD OF ‘THE DIE HAS BEEN CAST’ WE ARE GOING TO START SAYING SOMETHING ELSE
It is time to stand up for language, people, and we are going to start by eliminating a number of old-fashioned, dippy-sounding phrases from everyday parlance. THE DIE HAS BEEN CAST First up is ‘the die has been cast’. We…
-
BAD EGG BUT GOOD BACON
Rumor has it the local Pancake House out past Menards has been serving their eggs sunny side up to customers who specifically order them over easy. ‘This is a travesty and has to be addressed,’ bitched local cop Sheila after…
-
The Lemondrop Dream Blog: When Life’s A Lemon
Hello friends. My name is Lemon Reilly (@LemonReilly), Life Doctor, Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist and Homeopath with offices in both Reno and Mexico City. BAD LOSER I love sports but when my teams lose I lose, Lemon. I become sullen, drink…
-
3 THINGS YOU ARE PROBABLY GETTING WRONG WHEN YOU WALK IN THE FOREST
Everyone loves a good stroll in the forest, but did you know that as you are walking in nature you are probably making one of 3 fundamental mistakes? Let’s review them together. 1. NO BREADCRUMBS This is perhaps the most…
