Month: October 2022
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FROM THE BIGFOOT SPECIAL: ‘Becoming A Woodwose In Montreal’ by Daniel Ross
When the mail came, we rubbed our hands together like flies.
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GORKO UNFUN BUT TRUE LESSON OF THE DAY: THIS FISH KNOWS
Some lessons are harder than others, and although today’s lesson is pretty unfun, it might just end up saving your life someday. Photo by zhengtao tang on Unsplash you may also like…
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FROM THE BIGFOOT SPECIAL: 2 poems by Nolcha Fox
And now his child, a hairy, rock-throwing bully, too big for his age.
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THIS MAN’S NAME IS RHYS BUT HE CAN’T FIND HIS OTHER SOCK
Yes, his name is Rhys, and in this neighborhood he walks tall and slays the ladies with just a look, but not everything is as it seems.
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FROM THE BIGFOOT SPECIAL: AN ASTUTE WOOLY MAMMAL BY BRUCE REISNER
The idiot who lives in the house next to mine yelled over to me the other day, something about a bear walking on two legs.
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GORKO UNFUN BUT TRUE LESSON OF THE DAY: GIRLS ARE DIFFERENT THAN BOYS
Some lessons are harder than others, but today’s lesson is just plain unfun. Take a second to think over today’s line of wisdom. you may also like…
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MEET AHMAD RAHIJA, 26 YEARS OLD, SYRIAN REFUGEE, EX-YRG TACTICAL SECURITY TRAINER, MY RACQUETBALL PARTNER AND ALL-AROUND GREAT GUY
He is my racquetball partner, makes amazing falafel, and is an all-around dependable, great guy.
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Jonas Reads About Bigfoot from ‘The Totally Ninja Raccoons’
Jonas reads the about the cryptid section in ‘The Totally Ninja Raccoons Meet Bigfoot’.
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MITCH’S MOVIE MASH: IF ‘THE TAXI DRIVER’S WIFE’ WERE A COMEDY I WOULD HAVE CRIED INTO MY POPCORN
I did not like this movie and would never recommend it to anyone I consider a friend.
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GORKO UNFUN BUT TRUE LESSON OF THE DAY: ROBIN LAID AN EGG
Some lessons are harder than others, and although today’s lesson is pretty unfun, it might just end up saving your life someday. you may also like…
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3 FAMOUS CELEBRITIES WHO NEVER SECRETLY FANTASIZE ABOUT YOU BURSTING FROM A CAKE ON THEIR BIRTHDAY YACHT
Sometimes it can be downright boring when you stop to think about how many famous celebrities, including movie stars, singers, dancers, athletes, barnstorming pilots, globetrotting chefs and royal pinups secretly fantasize about you bursting from a cake on their birthday…
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HEY WE WROTE ‘EVACUATED THE HOUSE’ AND NO ONE THOUGHT WE MEANT ‘SHIT THE BED’
Hey look everyone, we wrote PEORIA FAMILY FORCED TO EVACUATE HOUSE and not a single person scribbled a mean note to The Gorko to complain that they assumed the family had probably shit bricks.
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RUNAWAY HOSPITAL GUERNEY STATS AT TWO-YEAR HIGH IN ILLINOIS
It is no secret that Peoria has a problem with runaway guerneys. During the first quarter of 2022 the number of out-of-control hospital beds more than tripled in our sleepy Illinois town. What is causing these freak accidents, who is…
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GORKO UNFUN BUT TRUE LESSON OF THE DAY: NOT THE SINGING, DANCING TYPE
Some lessons are harder than others, and today’s lesson is just plain unfun. But it might just save your life someday. Photo by Jerad Hill on Unsplash you may also like…
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3 Poems by Mike McHone
and we melt together at this yearly party this ancient yearling party year after year, from now until the last syllable of recorded time…
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WHAT IS THIS TREE THINKING? 3 SCIENTIFICALLY VERIFIABLE ANSWERS
We have all seen this tree many times on our walk up the mountain, and would probably even identify it in a police lineup if we were called upon to do so, but beneath its rough exterior don’t we often…
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GORKO UNFUN BUT TRUE LESSON OF THE DAY: RADDY IS NOT REALLY GORKO EIC
Some lessons are harder than others, and today’s lessons is just plain unfun. But it might just save your life someday. you may also like…
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WHEN CATS GO BATS: HOW TO SURVIVE A MOUNTAIN LION ATTACK
Throw yourself onto the ground, roll tightly into a ball, making sure your “yummy chicken fingers” cover the base of your skull.
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TAKING CANDY FROM A BABY: WHO GAVE A BABY THIS DANGEROUS SUBSTANCE IN THE FIRST PLACE?
A cool but sunny early fall afternoon in West Peoria. Birds were chirping, cyclists and joggers were out in abundance, and it seemed as if everyone had a smile on their face except Gorko reporter Lil Smockinger.
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Book Excerpt: ‘The Hatless Horseman’ by Koontz Kennedy
The gala of goblins and ghouls is nigh, and our movie reviewer and subleaser Mitchell Kennedy is getting into the spirit.
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GORKO UNFUN BUT TRUE LESSON OF THE DAY: TOMATOES ARE LIARS
Some lessons are harder than others. Some lessons are just plain unfun. But today’s lesson just might save your life. Photo by Elton Harding at flickr.com you may also like…
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THIS MAGPIE PIE IS REDUNDANT
Excuse me, waiter, yes you. Come here please. Is this your menu? Yes, yes it is. Well what does this say here, is this a magpie? No, oh, oh ho ho, I see, so you say magpie pie, do you?…
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KNOWING WHEN TO QUIT: I BROKE MY SELF-DEFENSE INSTRUCTOR’S JAW IN THE FIRST CLASS AND KNEW I WAS STREET READY
Sometimes you win even when you aren’t trying all that hard. This week I broke my self-defense instructor’s jaw with a little move I put on her in the very first class, and I knew I was street ready. They…
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3 REASONS TO COME OVER TO MY HOUSE AND MAKE TURKISH FOOD FOR ME WHILE I SIT ON THE COUCH
Even the most hardboiled detective would weep to taste your savory meat durum.
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3 Poems by Lynn White
It’s been a long flight. / I’m pleased you made a safe landing / and now I’m coming down to join you.
