Month: October 2026
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The 2026 Wallbanger Halloween Chalk Spectacular: Black Velvet
The Wallbanger Halloween Chalk Spectacular
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The Theme of the Week is Crouched Behind Bushes With A Garden Hose
Crouch Behind Some Bushes With A Garden Hose and take advantage of the true drenching power of your Jassick Super Blaster 3000 high-pressure water nozzle.
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A Sommeber Luncheon by William Draycott
They call it ‘trying,’ but what a client cares about is winning.
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WHAT I WANT TO SEE OUT THERE by Anthony Neil Smith
Crying won’t win this. Feeling scared won’t win this. The only thing that’s going to win this is you all getting vicious.
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THIS WEEK’S HOROSCOPE by Ben Macnair
The planets are broadly favourable, although Mercury is in retrograde, the council is reviewing parking arrangements and someone has put a mattress beside the recycling bins.
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Gold Fish and 2 more by Kushal Poddar
We move the bucket around and give up, sit on a sofa with our legs tucked.
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2 by Alex Carrigan
but instead I set the flower on fire because I’m not / trying to write a sappy poem
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A Moment’s Hesitation by Michael Drezin
They call it ‘trying,’ but what a client cares about is winning.
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Thirteen Ways of Looking at Anya Taylor-Joy by Damon Hubbs
I was fond of playing telephone With noble accents
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Three poems by Iryna Somkina, translated by Stephan Crown-Weber
With my right hand propping up my chin.
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CANDY BARS WITH RAZOR BLADES INSIDE RANKED BY JOHNSON STREET ADDRESS
The Van Burens only give kids generic candy like Smikkers and Kit-Kax.
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Toaster of the Month Club by Jon Wesick
Each month, the Toaster of the Month Club will deliver an assortment of boutique toasters directly to your door.
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WE ASKED 4 LOCAL K-12 TEACHERS FOR THE BASIC INGREDIENTS OF MEXICAN CHICKEN LIME SOUP. HERE ARE THEIR ANSWERS
‘I guess it has tortillas and water and some tequila in it, I mean it is Mexican.’
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I met yr god and 1 more by John Yohe
I met yr god one time in the desert near Globe I said what are you doing out
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Godspeed, Kenny Chesney by Torrey Kurtzner
Upon his Second Coming, he had successfully carved a new identity for himself while blending in with the surf culture of Southern California.
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I went to the state of limerence and all I got was this lousy shirt by Andrea Salvador
Cue the midnight banter where you ooze buckets of #coolgirl aura & NO NEVER MIND HE’S STOPPED REPLYING
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PHOR!!! 10 GORKO-APPROVED APHORISMS FOR THE AGES
14. Marilyn Monroe in Some Like It Hot is worth a thousand words
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The People vs Ricky Bernstein’s Playboy by Patrick Carella
The judge adjusted his seat on the cardboard box filled with ancient sports magazines.
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THE GORKO’S 2027 BEST OF THE NET NOMINATIONS!
The Gorko’s 2027 BotN nominations are here! Read all eight pieces here.
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3 GROWN MEN YOU ALREADY KNOW WHO WOULD HAPPILY PLAY TEVYE IN A HIGH SCHOOL THEATRICAL ADAPTATION OF ‘FIDDLER ON THE ROOF’ IF IT MEANT THE DALLAS COWBOYS COULD WIN THE SUPER BOWL
Disturbing if true, a new survey by the Gorko True Facks Committee has brought to light new evidence.
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A Compendium of Gemstones by James Callan
Kyanite is a corpse hidden in the center of a snowbank in the parking lot at Lowe’s.
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The Melancholy Man of Leisure by Hugh Blanton
This is part of Shteyngart’s shtick—the bullied, picked upon, oppressed, poor little guy that just can’t catch a break.
