To all those singles out there who need reminding that they are single every single (ha ha) 11 November (1111): HAPPY SINGLES DAY!
Here are some stale chocolate-covered snack stix to chew on.
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THESE PUMPKIN SPICE COOKIES WITH CREAM CHEESE FROSTING ARE THE PERFECT HOLIDAY TREAT, TOO BAD IT’S MARCH
CHILLING: THIS MAN SAID NO WHEN A CHILD ASKED TO TURN UP THE THERMOSTAT
When local child Nadira was freezing her little butt off earlier this week she went…
Lemondrop reads poetry: ‘This Fair Oak’ by Maria Steinburg-Piccadilly
Today we will be reading a poem from one of my favorite authors, Maria Steinburg-Piccadilly,…
WORSE THAN OUIJA? THIS BOY’S HEAD BURST INTO FLAMES AFTER RECITING COMPLETE LOTR RING VERSE
Local pre-teen Randall McClaughlin was rushed to the St. Martha emergency room in the early…
PAY THE RENT OR BUY A TACKY, MID-RANGE COFFIN?
SO SHE’S ASKED YOU TO TAKE OUT THE TRASH
GORKO UNFUN BUT TRUE LESSON OF THE DAY: YOU BROKE YOUR MOM’S FIDDLE
Some lessons are harder than others, and although today’s lesson is pretty unfun, it just…
GORKO UNFUN BUT TRUE LESSON OF THE DAY: NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND TOBY
Some lessons are harder than others, and although today’s lesson is tolerably unfun, it just…
UNCLE TOBY MEANT TO GET BASKETBALL STUCK IN RIM, HE ALWAYS TRIES TO DO THAT
Reporting on the situation unfolding in the Peoria suburb driveway, local child Nadira told The…
APRLE iRHONE 13: SO YOU WANT TO CARRY THIS UNLUCKY THING AROUND WITH YOU EVERYWHERE
Critics have been quick to pan the new Aprle iRhone 13, and the reason they…
‘August does not gentle’ by Nolcha Fox
MORAL DILEMMA: SOMEONE LEFT ME 10 GRAND IN A DUFFEL BAG BUT NOW I AM SUPPOSED TO GET RID OF THIS BODY
TURNS OUT RACY MAGAZINE ONLY HAS 1 CAR IN IT
HOW TO KNOW WHEN YOUR BREACH IS READY FOR THE CAVALRY
3 RAUNCHY SALAD DRESSINGS THAT WILL LITERALLY KILL CHILDREN
NO TOMMY NOT THE strawberry chipotle HAIL CAESAR! SCREAMED BABY JANE, BUT TOO LATE It…
WATER COOLER SQUIRT WALKING TALL EVER SINCE HELPING CARRY THAT BOX OF A2 GLOSSY BOND ACROSS THE OFFICE
The water cooler squirt whose name is Andy or Brian or something has been reported…
TROUBLING: IF EGGS COULD TALK
If eggs could walk and talk, what would they say? mused local philosopher-plumber Andy as…
‘Ukiyo 1’ by Captain B
FINALLY, PICASSO FOR DUMMIES: IT’S A PICTURE OF A COW
Uncle Toby cut through the bullshit earlier this afternoon at the family picnic when he…
THESE INNOCENT CITIZENS HAD THEIR CARS TAKEN FROM THEM AND IT COULD HAPPEN TO ANY OF US
The Gorko hereby submits photographic evidence of a tragic and heartbreaking development in downtown Peoria…
SO YOU BUILT A ROLLER COASTER. NOW WHAT?
It took you years of backbreaking work with your donkey Spanko, but you were finally…
THIS PERSON’S PERSONAL BRAND IS SPL RANCH
Photo by Luke Stackpoole on Unsplash