Month: December 2021
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THE GORKO 2021 ROUNDUP – HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Since we are roughly halfway through 2022, let’s take a look back over last year’s Gorko favorites.
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CHILLING: THIS MAN SAID NO WHEN A CHILD ASKED TO TURN UP THE THERMOSTAT
When local child Nadira was freezing her little butt off earlier this week she went to the one person she thought could save her from certain death: her father. ‘THIS MAN told me the temperature was staying right where it…
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HEY TONY THAT GUY IS WAVING AT US, DO SOMETHING
Hey Tony that guy in the white hat is waving at us. Yeah, the old guy in the white blouse. Shouldn’t we do something? I am going to wave back. Hi! Hi! Hello! Hey there, do we know you? No.…
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WE ASKED 4 LOCAL K-12 TEACHERS FOR THE BASIC INGREDIENTS OF MEXICAN CHICKEN LIME SOUP. HERE ARE THEIR ANSWERS
We interviewed 4 local K-12 school teachers about the basic ingredients of the popular midweek dinner, Mexican chicken lime soup. Here are their recipes! TOBY: ‘I guess it has tortillas and water and some tequila in it, I mean it…
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DEBBIE HARRY SURFING, 2014
Just kidding. No idea who this lady is. Photo by Chris Osmond on Unsplash YOU MAY ALSO LIKE…
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SIGNS HE IS ABOUT TO DUMP YOU VS SIGNS HE IS ABOUT TO TAKE A DUMP
It is the age-old question: is his remarkably strange, stiff behavior due to the fact that he has finally had enough of this dumb, manipulative relationship and is on the verge of dumping you, or does he simply need to…
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Christmas Special ‘Die Hearth 2: Down the Chimney’
Even if it is just another Friday night to you, The Gorko recommends flushing your time down the toilet with the brand new Die Hearth 2: Down the Chimney.
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GOD HAS DECIDED TO REST YE MARY THIS DECEMBER, GENTLEMEN
Christmas has been postponed this year. Image by David Mark from Pixabay
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THIS DELIGHTFUL SPONGE BATH REMINDS ME OF THAT ICONIC SCENE FROM OH DANG WHAT WAS IT
Me: This delightful sponge bath reminds me of that iconic movie scene from uh dang, what was it now, Jeeves. Jeeves: I do imagine the scene to which you refer, sir, if you do not mind me saying, is most…
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WE ASKED 6 TEENAGERS TO DEFINE ‘WOLF’ AND HERE ARE THEIR ANSWERS
We asked 6 local teenagers to define ‘wolf’ and here are their answers! TOBY’S FRIEND: ‘It’s like a hm, like a coyote or something. It’s a dog.’ JILL: ‘It’s when you eat something really fast and sloppy, like a sloppy…
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Book Excerpt: ‘A Christmas At 10 Downing Street’ by Jasmine Kennedy
Tis the season of holiday cheer, and Mitchell Kennedy is getting in the spirit, this time writing under the pseudonym of Jasmine. We only wish he would take off that ladies tracksuit he bought at Goodwill. SYNOPSIS OF ‘A CHRISTMAS…
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PAIR OF FREAKS ORDER SAME THING OFF MENU
Reports have been coming in about a pair of freaks who both ordered the same thing for dinner over at Chu Wei’s Fine Chinese. ‘I’ll have the kung pao chicken,’ said the first freak. The second freak opened her mouth…
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OF COURSE MARTIN LUTHER IS DEAD, HE WAS BORN IN 1483
Of course Martin Luther is dead, he was born in 1483! Duh. YOU MAY ALSO LIKE…
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HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW MITCHELL KENNEDY?
TAKE THIS QUIZ TO FIND OUT! 1. What is MK’s favorite flavor of bread? white whole wheat rye raisin 2. What is MK’s favorite movie? Forrest Gump Star Trek III: The Search For Spock Star Trek (1979) Star Wars 3. …
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NEWLY SINGLE? 6 BREAKFAST CEREALS YOU COULD PROBABLY MANAGE TO GAG DOWN BEFORE WORK
They have left you again because you are a selfish, thoughtless excuse of a human being and just lie there instead of doing yoga before dawn. But you still have to pay the rent, so let’s get out there and…
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The Theme of the Week is Homemade Eggnog
Every week our Theme Expert, Teddy, goes into detail on a new theme. This week’s theme, just in time for the holidays, is Homemade Eggnog. Many poets forget about the real meaning of Christmas while bustling about doing shopping, putting…
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NOTHING IS WRONG, INSISTS FOUR-HEADED BEAST, JUST LET’S ORDER DESSERT
Photo by Jack Finnigan on Unsplash
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WHY EVERYONE YOU KNOW PROBABLY EATS CHEEZ WHIZ BY SPRAYING IT RIGHT INTO THEIR MOUTHS
There is no new way of eating Cheez Whiz, the nasty pastuerized processed cheese product from Kraft Foods, but you know the old way: shake that bottle, then spray it directly into your mouth until it is aaaaaaaall gone. And…
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OH FUCK HE BOUGHT A BAGUETTE AND IS CARRYING IT HOME UNDER HIS ARM HE’S A DEAD MAN
I thought this guy was like the protagonist but I was clearly mistaken: he just bought a fresh baguette and is carrying it back to his studio apartment somewhere up a long stone staircase, they are going to shoot him…
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The Lemondrop Dream Blog: Fat and Skinny Cows
Hello friends. My name is Lemon Reilly (@LemonReilly), Life Doctor, Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist and Homeopath with offices in both Reno and Mexico City. FAIRY LANGUAGE FIEND Last night I was speaking a strange and wonderful fairy language in my dreams,…
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THINGS WE ARE JUST LEAVING IN THE BOX UNTIL THE NEXT DIVORCE
You know how it goes after every divorce, you have to get your things and put them in boxes and move them to a shabby little apartment across town until you can find another life partner with a house. Pack,…
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REAL-LIFE VIGILANTES: WE TOOK THESE PEOPLE’S DOG AWAY
Sometimes enough is enough, and we mean buying a puppy for your eight-year-old, doing absolutely nothing for a calendar year to train it, and then tying it to a doghouse on your roof after it outgrows its cute puppy days…
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GET IT TOGETHER: THIRD WHEEL RICKETY AND WOODEN LIKE THIS IS SOME KIND OF OREGON TRAIL COVERED WAGON
When we invited Toby along for the weekend we did not expect this kind of third wheel situation. Well we knew it might be a little bit awkward, especially if we had to get it on in the back of…
