National health agencies have reported plans to use facial recognition, the technology that confirms a person’s identity based on their facial details, to determine whether you are good-looking enough to fully reintegrate into society in […]
Month: April 2022
SAD: YOU LACK THE SOCIAL SKILLSET TO INTERACT WITH CUSTOMERS ACROSS A COUNTER IN EVERYDAY SITUATIONS
It is a sad situation, and one I believe I have never in fact seen in all my days as manager of Happy Burger. You, my miserable little cashier trainee, simply lack the social skillset […]
REPORT: UNCLE TOBY JUST SPENT AN HOUR CLEANING HIS NEW TENNIES
She added, ‘He should just get black shoes if he is going to be so freaky about it.’
GUESS THE NAME OF THE POEM
Guess the name of this shitty poem by Los Decepcionados getaway driver Felipe Starks, composed probably in the summer of 1923 in Cincinnati.
EXCEPTIONALLY COLD WATER COOLER MAKES MINIMUM WAGE JOB WORTH IT
by Lizette Roman-Johnston I’m not one of those people who loves their job. Maybe I’d love it if they were paying me above minimum wage so my family can afford electricity, but in the meantime, […]
Cartoon by Jesse Hilson: MAGIC CASTLE
There we were by Captain B
Hog-tied (yes, cuffed and somehow linked to my zip-tied ankles) / By the police and thrown head first into the cruiser
Upcoming Movie: ‘Two Friends On A Motorbike Crash and Only One Survives’
The latest Bollywood feel-good tearjerker is basically just the story of a man dealing with crippling guilt after he crashes his motorbike off a bridge with his best friend Babbar on the back.
WHAT KINDS OF MEN DO YOU USE TO PAD YOUR MAN CAVE?
What kinds of men do you use to pad your man cave? We asked five Gorko man cave experts and here are their responses. MAN CAVE EXPERT KIP: BLACK MEN MAN CAVE EXPERT SUFAMAN: MEN […]
THE GOOD LIFE AND HOW TO SYSTEMATICALLY DENY IT TO FRIENDS AND LOVED ONES
Practically everyone in your life aspires to lead a good life. The exceptions of course are your uncles Toby and ‘Riffraff’ Ronnie, your cousins Gerry, Luis, and Miranda, and your great-aunt Richardine, all now serving […]
Classic Gorko: Espresso Sports
No one should have to read, that is be subjected to an entire article from the archive bowels of the old humor print zine, brainchild of a child. And yet, ESPRESSO SPORTS. the gorko gazette, […]