Month: July 2022
-
AND THIS IS WHERE WE BROKE UP, UNCLE TOBY SAYS
‘And this is where we broke up,’ Toby grimly told his niece Latisha as they walked past The Roundtable café. ‘I think he is talking about Barbara, but who knows,’ Latisha told The Gorko as Toby pointed out the spot…
-
ARE YOU AS NAKED AS A JAYBIRD? TAKE OUR FREE QUIZ TO FIND OUT
You certainly do not have a stitch of clothes on, but are you as naked as a jaybird? Take our free quiz to find out just how naked you really are. Reliability: 0.08% Photo by Melissa Burovac on Unsplash YOU…
-
THE BIGFOOT SPECIAL! THIS OCTOBER 20th
Funny or scary, we want to put out a collection of your takes on Bigfoot
-
AMAZING 1-INGREDIENT RECIPES
It happens to everyone: Uncle Toby got drunk and crashed your pickup truck and Louisa took off into the dusk on the only bicycle, so you are stuck trying to make dinner with just whatever you got at hand. Well…
-
Upcoming Movie: ‘Mrs. Colten Fagen Goes to Copenhagen’
In 1950s London the widow of Mr. Colten Fagen, whom we also meet briefly, decides on a mad whim to pursue her dream of joining the Carnival on Ice Parade in Copenhagen, Denmark.
-
GORKO UNFUN BUT TRUE LESSON OF THE DAY: THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN
Some lessons are harder than others, but today’s lessons is just plain unfun. Here is the latest line of wisdom, brought to you by Gorko. MORE UNFUN LESSONS HERE Photo by Hunters Race on Unsplash you may also like…
-
WHEN YOU LIKE YOUR NEW PENTHOUSE BUT IT IS LOCATED IN A DYSTOPIAN, 2049 LOS ANGELES
Also sometimes at night the toymaker downstairs gets all hot and bothered and winds all of his toys up and the skittering and yipping is extremely creepy.
-
‘Terminal Blue’ and ‘Self-Adjustments for the Greater Good’ by Mark Blickley and Amy Bassin
Excerpts from the text-based art book Dream Streams by Mark Blickley and Amy Bassin.
-
GORKO UNFUN BUT TRUE LESSON OF THE DAY: YOU ARE ABOUT TO HIT THAT BRIDGE
Some lessons are harder than others, but today’s lesson is just plain unfun. Enjoy.
-
WHEN YOU FIND YOURSELF IN THE CHICKEN COOP ON THE WRONG SIDE OF A LATCH YOU CAN’T WORK BECAUSE YOU DON’T HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS: ARE YOU A CHICKEN?
When you find yourself inside the chicken coop, and I am sure we have all been there, on the wrong side of a latch you can’t work because you don’t have opposable thumbs, it may be time to ask yourself…
-
THE BIGFOOT SPECIAL! THIS OCTOBER – SUBMISSIONS NOW OPEN
We are looking for articles, stories, poetry, cartoons, or whatever about Bigfoot, Yeti, Wildman, Wood Ape, Iceman, Skunk Ape, Grassman, Wendigo, Hairy Man, Cripplefoot or other bigfeet / bigfoots.
-
THESE MONKEYS WERE INJECTED WITH BOTOX IN THE RUNUP TO A NATIONAL BEAUTY PAGEANT WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU
Where have you been, living under a rock or something? More than 25 monkeys have been banned from this year’s southern California beauty pageant for beauty enhancements that include multiple Botox injections. First place in the California contest brings more…
-
TURNS OUT RACY MAGAZINE ONLY HAS 1 CAR IN IT
my boss got angry at me for bringing ‘a racy magazine’ into the office even though I showed her there was no racing in it at all.
-
‘Her Crown of Glory’ by Arthur J. Burdick
A poem entirely about this one chick’s hair. Who was Arthur J. Burdick but at heart a man?
-
LOCAL LANDLORD PUTS PRICE ON TENANT’S SOUL
Apparently begging the landlord not to put a price on their soul, saying ‘Dear Landlord’ about a thousand times and groveling, was not the answer for one Peoria resident, Ron M., whose landlord simply turned around and priced that soul.…
-
ARE YOU AS BALD AS A COOT? TAKE OUR FREE QUIZ TO FIND OUT
So you have been afflicted by male pattern balding, specifically at the back of the head like your maternal grandfather. But the question is, does this make you as bald as a coot? Take our free survey to find out!…
-
DO YOU HAVE THE TOOLS IT TAKES TO BUILD A BASIC DOG HOUSE?
Do you have the tools it takes to build a basic doghouse, or are you going to become the laughingstock of the neighborhood? Before you get out there and start sawing lumber, why not do a simple cross-check using The…
-
THE BIGFOOT SPECIAL! THIS OCTOBER – SUBMISSIONS NOW OPEN
We are looking for articles, stories, poetry, cartoons, or whatever about Bigfoot, Yeti, Wildman, Wood Ape, Iceman, Skunk Ape, Grassman, Wendigo, Hairy Man or other bigfeet / bigfoots.
-
WAS IT SOMETHING I SAID OR THE FACT THAT A PIECE OF MY SALAD FLEW OUT OF MY MOUTH AND LANDED IN YOUR ORANGE JUICE
Was it something I said or the fact that a piece of my salad flew out of my mouth and landed in your orange juice? Here, let me help you get it out. Shit, sorry, got most of my hand…
-
THREE SEPTETS by Adam Van Winkle
SONG AND VERSE FOR FORTYorTHREE SEPTETS Adam Van Winkle Lookin at Iris Dement chords and thinkin I can play thatIf only I were a woman, I’d do it betterDylan sings the size of your cock’ll get you nowhereBut it doesn’t…
-
NEW DIGITAL SAT IS JUST PONG
This January the U.S. College Board announced that the SAT® Suite of Assessments will move to a digital, paper-free format as of Fall 2022. What do you need to know about the new computer-based test? IT IS ACTUALLY JUST PONG…
-
Classic Gorko: Answers to FAQs About Celebrities in Harness
No one should have to read, that is be subjected to an entire article from the archive bowels of the old humor print zine, brainchild of a child. And yet, CELEBRITIES IN HARNESS. TGG, Summer 2022 you may also like…
-
THIS ISN’T ABOUT INFLATION. THIS IS AN ARTICLE ABOUT A SWEET LITTLE PIG
You see, this is not an article about market fluctuations and slumping stock prices. It is an article about a sweet little pig.
-
THE BIGFOOT SPECIAL! THIS OCTOBER – SUBMISSIONS NOW OPEN
We are looking for articles, stories, poetry, cartoons, or whatever about Bigfoot, Yeti, Wildman, Wood Ape, Iceman, Skunk Ape, Grassman, Wendigo, Hairy Man, Cripplefoot or other bigfeet / bigfoots.
-
3 CLASSIC SUPPORT GROUPS WHERE REALLY FIT TIME TRAVELERS WILL KNOW THEY CAN FIND YOU
According to Time Traveler Hookup dot com, more and more non-time-travelers have been discovered by really fit time travelers at AA meetings.
-
The Lemondrop Dream Blog FAQ: Is Don Markenbaldi Dangerous AND Lecherous?
Hello friends. My name is Lemon Reilly, your Life Doctor.
-
2 Poems by Nolcha Fox
He Doesn’t Want to Be a Poem ‘Poems are for wimps.‘I’m a man’s man, see?’ He slaps his gut, a size too largefor the Yankees shirt he’s wearing. That belly comes in handywhen he needs to rest his beer. He…
-
GORKO UNFUN BUT TRUE LESSON OF THE DAY: YOU ARE A BUTTERFLY
Some lessons are harder than others, but today’s lessons is just plain unfun. We are not preaching. No one is forcing you to live a better life. All we ask is that you take a second to think over today’s…
-
THE BIGFOOT SPECIAL! THIS OCTOBER – SUBMISSIONS NOW OPEN
We are looking for articles, stories, poetry, cartoons, or whatever about Bigfoot, Yeti, Wildman, Wood Ape, Iceman, Skunk Ape, Grassman, Wendigo, Hairy Man, Cripplefoot or other bigfeet / bigfoots.
