Month: August 2022
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Classic Gorko: Answers to FAQs About Celebrities in Harness
What’s the difference between a rock star celebrity and a normal celebrity?
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YOU KNOW HOW TO SAY ‘BBQ PIT SLAG MITTEN’ IN CHUUKIC DON’T YOU IT’S ‘BONO’
Pass me the slutty Bono, Charles, we need to turn this grease hog over.
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MODERN-DAY JESUS CHRIST? THIS MAN WAS CRUCIFIED ON SOCIAL MEDIA AND 3 DAYS LATER WENT WATERSKIING ON LAKE TAHOE
By midnight on the same day, Twitter influencers had declared Gary for all intents and purposes a dead man.
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Pages of poems by Jason Visconti
page 1 There Is A Demon Inside Us Its rage is large with luster like an untamed moonbeam,And these moonbeams dance together in a wicked dance,It turns all lunar love into another thing,Eclipse this moon but have a harvest by…
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LET’S MAKE FUN IN CAR: RADDY’S TOP 10 LONG HOT SUMMER SPAM EMAILS OF 2022
Gorko EIC obviously receives a lot of mail from real and sexy people, but what you may not have known about are the vast piles of sexy SPAM mail he is also forced to sift through, Victorian style, with tweezers…
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3 RAUNCHY SALAD DRESSINGS THAT WILL LITERALLY KILL CHILDREN
NO TOMMY NOT THE strawberry chipotle HAIL CAESAR! SCREAMED BABY JANE, BUT TOO LATE It is what you always suspected growing up in the Midwest: more than 65% of all raunchy salad dressings you were encouraged to dump on top…
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ROOMMATE NORMAN SCHLEPTFELDER, AN UNEMPLOYED DISHWASHER, KEEPS SAYING ‘THE NEW NORM’ EVERY TIME HE GETS A HAIRCUT
What is definitely not part of the new Norm is any new resolution to do his own dishes, offer to cook for the house, pick up his junk, or do any cleaning whatsoever.
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GORKO UNFUN BUT TRUE LESSON OF THE DAY
Some lessons are harder than others. Some lessons are just plain unfun. We are not preaching. No one is forcing you to live a better, more productive life. All we ask is that you think over today’s line of wisdom.…
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The Lemondrop Dream Blog: When jazz argot go way mean way over hep cat head teapad puffers like hum dum baby
Hello friends. My name is Lemon Reilly, your Life Doctor.
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‘TYRANNOSAURUS EX’ EATS CHILDREN, TAKES OUT THE HOUSE
The fiercesome Tyrannosaurus Ex then made its way across the southern part of the city, sowing destruction, death, and wild panic as it recklessly smashed vehicles and gobbled up the elderly.
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GORKO UNFUN BUT TRUE LESSON OF THE DAY
Some lessons are harder than others, but today’s lesson is just plain unfun. Take a second to think over today’s line of wisdom. SEE MORE UNFUN LESSONS HERE Photo by Yogendra Singh on Unsplash you may also like…
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3 LOCAL SHOPS WHERE YOU CAN GET YOUR HANDS ON ‘KLEPTOMANIA FOR DUMBELLS’
Again not technically a shop, but we are not sure that Toby still has Kleptomania For Dumbbells but he definitely stashes the books he steals from Dave’s Bookmobile in his basement.
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I WANT TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE EVER SEEN THE RAIN
So my question for you is, what I really want to know is have you ever seen the rain?
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GORKO BIGFOOT SPECIAL PLANNED FOR OCTOBER – SUBMISSIONS OPEN
We are looking for articles, stories, poetry, cartoons, or whatever about Bigfoot, Yeti, Wildman, Wood Ape, Iceman, Skunk Ape, Grassman, Wendigo, Hairy Man, Cripplefoot or other bigfeet / bigfoots.
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The Theme of the Week is The Glass Is Half Empty
You have to go through half air to get to the good part because The Glass Is Half Empty.
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INCONCEIVABLE! 3 WORDS THAT PROBABLY DON’T MEAN WHAT YOU THINK THEY MEAN
A radish is in fact a small, round, purple root vegetable normally found accompanying tacos al pastor in Mexican street food.
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OLDIE BUT GOODIE, SAYS UNCLE TOBY’S PERSONALS AD
Local child reporter Nadira has noted in the latest issue of her celebrated newsletter The Nadira Nose that Uncle Toby is still putting out ads in the local Personals section of Illinois’ own Peoria Pied Piper. Suitably enough, his latest…
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THIS MAN WAS CALLED LATE TO DINNER AND MISSED IT
Local 30-something Charlie Bowz was called late to dinner this past Tuesday and completely missed it. Apparently his ravenous family had eaten all of the T-bone steak, potatoes, asparagus with lime-mint dressing, and freshly baked bread by the time he…
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…BUT WOULD THEY WATCH YOU DIRECT TRAFFIC?
So you just got that coveted promotion and have been regaled across timezones by coworkers you have never met or smelled, and others you most definitely have. You are extremely popular right now, feeling sexy, looking great, and about to…
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‘CANTIBAL’ CHOKES ON SHIN BONE, BARFS BACK ENTIRE BABY
Larry’s cannibal friends began taunting him from the trailer out back where they have squatted, asking him if he was a cannibal or a ‘cantible’, and encouraging him to dismember the pizza boy and eat his brain.
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MITCH’S MOVIE MASH: WHY DID THEY CALL IT ‘BLACK PHONY’?
If none of this makes any sense, do not worry, because trust me you are NOT alone. Ampersat Todd was yipping mournfully before he had even finished licking the chili off my tie.
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GORKO UNFUN BUT TRUE LESSON OF THE DAY: NOT YOUR COLOR
Some lessons are harder than others, but today’s lessons is just plain unfun. We are not preaching. No one is forcing you to live a better life. All we ask is that you take a second to think over today’s…
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WHAT YOUR PASSPORT SAYS ABOUT WHAT COUNTRIES YOU CAN LEGALLY ENTER
So everyone but Americans and Mexicans can go to Chad?
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GORKO UNFUN BUT TRUE LESSON OF THE DAY: THESE COOKIES ARE TALLER THAN YOUR HOUSE
Some lessons are harder than others, and even though today’s lessons is unfun, it might be worth your while to think over today’s line of wisdom. you may also like…
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Book Excerpt: ‘Where the Butterflies Sing’ by Twitchy Mitchy
‘Do you think there are piranhas in this swamp?’ asked Flicker Mahomes with a shiver, adjusting her army surplus backpack on her bony white shoulders and checking the safety on her rifle.
