Month: July 2024
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GERMAN PASTRY COMPANY KONDITOREI-KREME LAUNCHES REVOLUTIONARY NEW PREDICTABLE-CRUMBLE COOKIE
The predictable-crumble cookie is still in the testing phase, but scientists are optimistic for an end-of-year launch.
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WHOOPS Selections from Mykyta Ryzhykh
UN meets for next meeting Naked people die under the temple of the bushes
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EVERYONE KNOWS YOU HAVE TO PUT THE LIME IN THE COCONUT, BROTHER ETHERNAN
Dat’s right, little Ethy, you go put da lime in da coconut, and you drink it all up. You put the lime in the coconut, you drink ’em both together.
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THIS PEORIA HILLS HOMEOWNERS ASSOCIATION BANNED THE WORD ‘MUFFIN’. ALSO YOUR BICHON FRISE MUFFIN. WHAT DO YOU THINK?
How in God’s name am I supposed to call my dog now?
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‘My Kind Of Newspaper’ by Camille Norvaisas
At present, the squirrel remains on the first Y branch of the oak tree, a mere two feet above the capture party.
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SUSPECT IN EYE GOUGING CASE FACES TRIAL
Reports local child sleuth Nadira, the eye gouger has been taken behind the utility shed and is sitting there now under surveillance, awaiting trial.
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WORDS WE DREAD: RIFE
This word (which we do not permit to be used at our home) is creepy and full of spiders.
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‘Doody and Memory’ and one more by M.P. Powers
today I read in the news that two young men / from new york have just expired after falling / into a large tank of hogshit
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WE ALREADY DELETED YOUR COMMENT
Not sure how to sugarcoat this, so we will not, you son of a MONSTER: your most recent comment has already been deleted from this platform.
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‘Half Life’ by Jake Zawlacki
I didn’t want to act because acting looked like running and screaming like a psycho with your eyes wide open.
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‘Machine Gun Kelly’ by Tempest Miller
and it’s all No and it’s never yes and buddy I know, it’s the law
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The Theme of the Week is UAPs
Unidentified Anomalous Phenomena (U.A.P.) is the Pentagon’s latest working acronym for ‘submerged and trans-medium objects,’ replacing the antiquated term Unidentified Flying Object (U.F.O.).
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‘The Reverie Of Rene Magritte’ by Lynn White
It was the hands that turned it into a nightmare, those pale fragile hands reaching out
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THEY GOT YOUR DATA AND THEN USED IT TO HAVE A FEW GIGGLES
They rehashed your life story over boozy drinks and cigarettes!
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Was Professor Stout in fact the famous modernist poet Gulliver S. Gulliver?
Had GSG been hiding out in California, pretending to be a dumpy, down-and-out literature professor?
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BET YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN ONE OF THESE, UNCLE TOBY SAYS TO FELLOW COMMUTER
Here are some of our favorite Blurt It, Uncle Toby! lines, along with their official Gorko grade.
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2 new poems by Michael Lee Johnson (text + audio)
the sun turns salt shaker upside down and it rains white smog
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‘Glitter for President’ by Bruce Reisner
I’m urging voters, both parties (Dems especially) to write glam rocker Gary Glitter in for president in the next election.
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‘Raymond’ and ‘The Shop’ by Bruce Gee
A quiet man of few words. B’Gosh overalls, squat, broad, And loyal.
