Month: December 2022
-
MY HARD-ON LASTED FOR MORE THAN 12 HOURS SO I CALLED MY DOCTOR BUT HE WOULDN’T PUT OUT
When asked exactly what he meant by ‘put out’, Mr. Schleps refused to enumerate the treatment he had in mind.
-
HOW COLD CAN A PET FROG GET?
Just kidding, of course, but it DOES make you wonder how cold a pet frog could get.
-
NOW JUST IMAGINE IF YOU COULD EAT PEOPLE
We’ll just let you chew on that one for awhile. TGG Foto de Derick Daily en Unsplash YOU MAY ALSO LIKE…
-
NEVER PUT THESE 3 THINGS UP YOUR NOSE
The nose knows, as they say, when something the wrong shape or size has been stuck up a nostril. But how can you be sure you are sticking the wrong stuff up your nose, Rudolph? Here are 3 things Gorko…
-
The Lemondrop Dream Blog: When Capitalism Is Right For You
I have been dreaming about Charlie ‘Shean’ a lot recently, too.
-
THE GORKO’S BEST OF 2022
To celebrate 2022, here is a roundup of our favorite pieces from the last year.
-
GORKO UNFUN BUT TRUE LESSON OF THE DAY: BRENDA IS FINE, UNCLE TOBY
Some lessons are harder than others, and although today’s lesson is pretty unfun, it just might save your life. Photo by Julian Schultz on Unsplash you may also like…
-
WHAT IF YOUR CANE GUN GOES OFF ACCIDENTALLY AT THE OPERA? HERE’S WHAT ONE PEORIA MAN DID
One Peoria man had the answer, and it was to cry fire in the crowded Emmanuel Souffle Memorial Theater.
-
Screenplay Excerpt: ‘Too Bright For Christmas’ by Hallmark Mitchell
Hallmark Christmas Special season is upon us, and our Entertainment Editor and subleaser Mitchell Kennedy has been trying his hand at writing his own tearjerker.
-
Classic Gorko: the GOOD, the BAD, and the CRAZee
THE GORKO GAZETTE’S 1994 COLLECTION OF ALL – MERRY CHRISTMAS (Just kidding)
-
GORKO UNFUN BUT TRUE LESSON OF THE DAY: THIS JUICE CONTAINS LESS THAN 1% VODKA
Some lessons are harder than others, and although today’s lesson is pretty unfun, it just might save your life. Photo by Greg Rosenke on Unsplash you may also like…
-
The Theme of the Week is Fudge Fanny On Floor Four
‘The basement is too far to go for Fudge Fanny’s fudge,’ read the famous memo.
-
FOUND: AN 8,500 YEAR OLD CAVE PAINTING OF YOUR MOM HYUCK HYUCK HYUCK
Yo mama was informed of the amazing find but declined to comment for this article.
-
SHOULD PARENTS TAKE BABIES TO MARS? THIS NEW STUDY MAY SURPRISE YOU
‘Yes it is a barren, inhospitable environment for babies,’ she concluded, ‘but I say parents should go for it.’
-
TIME AND TIDE WAIT FOR NOHMAN HABIB
‘Time and tide wait for Nohman Habib,’ he told The Gorko grimly. ‘For Nohman Habib, they wait.’
-
2 poems by Adora Williams
Regardless, this (.), it is still a dot Unless it decides not to be anymore Unless it decides to become a line To call itself a line
-
MITCH’S MOVIE MASH: ‘Gas Onion: Into The Nebula’
This is not a movie I would recommend strongly to parents of young children due to its use of strong language.
-
3 GREAT GIFTS FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE PLAYED GOD WITH YOUR LIFE
Here are 3 great gift ideas for people who treated you like Job.
-
GORKO UNFUN BUT TRUE LESSON OF THE DAY: NO NOT THE GOOD WHISKEY FOOL
Some lessons are harder than others, and although today’s lesson is pretty unfun, it just might save your life. Photo by Dollar Gill on Unsplash you may also like…
-
QUEEN FOR A DAY? THIS TWENTY-SOMETHING WAS PUT IN CHARGE OF LOCAL DAIRY QUEEN FOR 3 HOURS WHEN HER MANAGER CAME DOWN WITH THE ‘VID
‘When they told me I would be the Dairy Queen it felt like I was walking on air!’
-
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR STAMP LICKER RUNS OUT OF SALIVA
Nasty look what Chet has gone and done, smeared this thing with his own personal juices.
-
BIGFOOT HAD THE GOUT! FOOT SWOLLEN 3X NORMAL SIZE! ACTUALLY WEARS A SIZE 6
Confirmed Yetiboots, ‘The harmful lifestyle choices of the Bigfeet [sic] have been long documented by lumberjacks and native tribes in the Pacific Northwest.’
-
GORKO UNFUN BUT TRUE LESSON OF THE DAY: WINDMILLS KILLED YOUR FATHER
Some lessons are harder than others, and although today’s lesson is pretty unfun, it just might save you from murder. Photo by Thomas Bormans on Unsplash you may also like…
-
WE NAMED OUR CHILD BRICKTOP AND THEY BULLIED HIM. COME ON BRICKTOP SHOW THEM WHAT YOU’RE MADE OF
They only scatter when I emerge from the side garden with my baton.
