You’ve seen it in Disney but IT doesn’t seem to be translating to real life
Birds: you see them every day, fluttering about the idyllic forest clearing where your cheery cabin sits in the sunshine, but do they ever just volunteer to help you with your chores? If you are like 99% of Gorko readers who responded to our recent poll, the answer is no. How can you get these good-natured but essentially useless feathered friends to band together and start hanging up your laundry for you?
BIRD FEED
Check the instructions on your bird feed, and make sure to keep it fresh! Many industrial grade bird feeds do not actually guarantee that birds will hang up your laundry for you, two birds taking a corner of each sheet, for example, in their beaks while the other clips it to the clothesline. If you want birds to impulsively start helping you do work about the cottage, be sure to first read the fine print, then be diligent in changing their feed at least every few days.
GET YOUR TALKING DEER TO CONVINCE THEM
If the obstinate birds insist on ignoring you, just tittering away on their branches, swooping and hopping and cackling, you can always ask your talking deer to speak to the birds. The deer is fortunately fluent in more than twenty animal languages, shares a symbiotic relationship with the birds, who help her with her fleas, and as honey-tongued an amabassador as you could ask for.
GUNS
If all else fails, many homemakers have found that brute coercion works for eccentric, lazy-boy birds. You do not even need an extremely large gun for most work-a-day birds, just any behind-the-front-door pioneer standard like a .410 smoothbore. Load that pretty baby with (you guessed it) steel bird shot, fire a warning shot well over the birds’ heads, and they will be hanging up your laundry before you can say iced tea and feetup o’clock for me.
Image generated on Stable Diffusion
Leave a Reply