Month: June 2023
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TRULY FUNNY! HE WAS HOLDING IT UPSIDE DOWN ALL THIS TIME
He ended up walking about 12 blocks south and getting lost in Volkspark Hasenheide before realizing his mistake.
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FROM THE AMERICAN CHEESE SPECIAL: ‘Residents Should Refrain From Wearing Tacky Cheeseheads Intuitively’ by Colin James
Place your suggestions in the bucket, aesthetically formal while unhidden beneath a stained white parchment.
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Excerpt: ‘Toby’s Heart, It Beats For One’ by Uncle Toby
A girl he loves, his precious sun Her eyes like petals, soft and bright
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DOES YOUR FAVORITE TRAVEL COMPANY PROMOTE SELF-INFLICTED HARPOON WOUNDS? FIND OUT WHO YOU ARE REALLY SUPPORTING
Was it just blind coincidence that you yourself have suffered not 1 but 3 self-inflicted harpoon wounds while on tours with Capn Ahab?
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FIFA UNVEILS OFFICIAL MATCH BALL FOR WORLD CUP 2026, SLATED TO BE HELD ABOARD ZORGON DEATH CRUISER ZR3-45XNT
‘ZORGAZMO’ HAS BEEN UNVEILED AS THE OFFICIAL MATCH BALL OF THE FIFA MEN’S WORLD CUP 2026 ZORGAZMO (pictured above), the Official Match Ball of the FIFA Men’s World Cup 2026 was unveiled last night in a spectacular show 12,450 miles…
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FROM THE AMERICAN CHEESE SPECIAL: ‘Slices’ by Will Penn
It is tempting to mythologise the man who oscillates from ‘Sometimes I think we went too far’ to ‘Damn it, we eat it in our own home!’ A reluctant god, perhaps?
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The Lemondrop Dream Blog: DO NOT INGEST THE LEMON LOVE TONIC #9
(Stephanie I know it is you! tee hee hee!)
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‘A Half-Eaten Dead Man Walks into a Night Club’ by Kenneth Mitchell
‘You’re beautiful!’ the half-eaten living man says, / a stream of blood splattering the half-eaten dead / man’s half-eaten face. He doesn’t even flinch.
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HOISTED BY THEIR OWN PETARD: MOST HOME INVASION VICTIMS SLAIN BY OWN FLAMING PETARD
A petard is a rocket, which begs the question: what exactly is going on in Peoria? How did these people get snagged on their own rockets?
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GIANT BLOB OF ASPIC LANDS IN LADY’S SOUP
‘I would swear it was Herbert, but he was busy with the asparagus at the time,’ claimed one server, 16-year-old Jenny Fenestrada.
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DARPA PATHETIC HAND-STAPLED FLYERS BEG YOU: PLEASE GIVE US JUST 1 SOVIET CHILD ENGINEER WHO COULD FIGURE OUT THIS RUDIMENTARY SKETCH OF THE GIGANTIC GROUND EFFECT VEHICLE (GEV) DESIGNED TO ATTAIN SUSTAINED FLIGHT OVER A LEVEL SURFACE (USUALLY OVER THE SEA) BY MAKING USE OF GROUND EFFECT MAYDAY HELP MAYDAY
Oh, ha ha, looks like the rocket propulsion bigshots at DARPA are indeed in a bit of a jam and need our help.
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FROM THE AMERICAN CHEESE SPECIAL: ‘SWEET DREAMS ARE MADE OF CHEESE’ by Nolcha Fox
‘This is America, and we want the real cheese!’
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The Theme of the Week is When You Realize You Are Wearing Too Much Robe For Taco Bell
JUST GOOD OLD-FASHIONED VANILLA-FLAVORED AMERICANA FOLKS
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IS YOUR NAME RHYS? TAKE OUR FREE QUIZ TO FIND OUT
Wonder no longer, friend! Take our quiz to find out whether your name is Rhys or not.
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LIKE HOPSCOTCH FOR ADULTS: MY NEW ‘POLKAKRAUT FOR BEGINNERS’ CLASS IS ONLY COSTING ME 35 BUCKS A SESSION PLUS BYO CABBAGE
Its Peoria incarnation involves live polka music, talented choreography instructors, and of course extremely sharp knives.
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FROM THE AMERICAN CHEESE SPECIAL: ‘AMERICAN CHEESE GIRL’ by Dia VanGunten
America, with her plastic-wrapped decades, is roaring, discoing, free-loving and punking.
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‘Unfairness’ by Bruce Reisner
we bought it together at a pawn shop on East Ohio Street a bowery where people don’t know much about violins
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WHY SWITZERLAND IS THERE
The Gorko has been receiving a surprisingly large number of emails over the past several months demanding to know what Switzerland is, and why it is located in the middle of Europe. Below are our best 3 guesses. SWISS CHEESE…
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ACCEPTING THOSE COOKIES BY BOB GIELOW
You accepted the cookies, didn’t you? Ha! That means you didn’t click on the ‘learn more’ box and read these details.
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CRAZY LITTLE THING CALLED VOLE
I kind of like it, this crazy little vole. It even knows how to rock and roll.
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I SCREAM, YOU SCREAM, WE ALL SCREAMED WHEN GORKO CHEF RAMBO BOLILLO CUT OFF HIS LEFT INDEX FINGER DURING LAST NIGHT’S LIVE SHOW
‘Murdock! I’m coming to get you! I’m your worst nightmare!’
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HISTORY OF L’ETAT LAITIER -or- However You Say ‘Dairy State’ in French by Bruce Gee
As a kid, oleomargarine was more illegal in Wisconsin than weed, which had not yet been noticed by the legislature.
