NOLCHA’S POOP SCOOP: Who’s the Real Monster of the March?

Poop reports on THE breaking news stories from around the globe with the help of her sassy sidekick Scoop.

Who’s the Real Monster of the March?

Eager children danced down Main Street for the Monster March, stopping only long enough to fill bags with candy from local merchants.

But the candy didn’t last long.

That same evening, parents scooped up Halloween leftovers while their children slept, to hand over to the dentist.

Does the dentist eat every single piece of candy the next day? Check his mouth, kids, the next time you sit in the dreaded chair. If his teeth are missing, run! He’ll pull out your teeth to replace his.

Bus Almost-Accidents on the Rise

A third almost-accident occurred last Sunday afternoon. Bill Burris, Human Resources Director of Blew Transportation Company, was almost flattened by one of his company’s buses. He claimed that he stumbled into an elderly gentleman with a walker, who took offense and shoved Mr. Burris to the curb. Mr. Burris tripped and fell in front of the bus. Luckily for him, the bus was stuck in traffic, so Mr. Burris was able to crawl out of the way before he assumed the shape of one of his wife’s pancakes.

Conspiracy theorists speculate that unions are following in the footsteps of local politicians. But instead of merely ruining people’s lives, union officials want to avoid long negotiations by completely eliminating opposing management.

Union leaders are unavailable for comment.

New Poll sends Media Outlets Scurrying

A new poll showed that newspapers are still the most popular source, especially if they contain crossword puzzles, an advice column that confirms there are people more ridiculous than us in the world, and at least one page of comics. Newspapers are also popular for kitty litter boxes, wrapping breakables for a move, and fish and chips.

The second most popular news sources are apps for weather and traffic. Let’s face it, we all want to know when to throw on our bikinis, shorts, and flip-flops. And we all want to get from Point A to Point B without taking an anger management class during our drive to work.

Near Miss

Bertha Jones asked for a restraining order against her scientist boyfriend who had been acting oddly lately. The usually restrained Dr. Martin Long began to grab her, mumble about rocks, and threaten to give her something to remember him by. The last time they were together, he clamped a metal tool on her finger, which frightened her so much, she ran away.

Bertha Jones called the police again to report a black rock that tore through her car roof and landed on the seat next to her. She was certain that Dr. Long was responsible.

The police questioned Dr. Long. He identified the rock as a meteor. When he showed them the diamond engagement ring he planned to give Ms. Jones, police realized he wasn’t a threat, and released him.

Scoop and Poop working it all out


Nolcha’s poems have been published in Lothlorien Poetry Journal, Alien Buddha Zine, Medusa’s Kitchen, and others. Her three chapbooks are available on Amazon. Nominee for 2023 Best of The Net. Editor for Kiss My Poetry and for Open Arts Forum. Accidental interviewer.
“My Father’s Ghost Hates Cats”
“The Big Unda”
“How to Get Me Up in the Morning”
Twitter: @NolchaF