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The explosion of Artificial Intelligence across the fine arts this year, and its widespread use by the non-artistic community and art hucksters alike, has prompted a red-alert of sorts to be issued by two members of the Meat Vassals for Intelligent Conversation about Artificial Art (MVIC – an ominous Roman numeral), self-appointed AI experts Dr. Don Markenbaldi of T.I.M. and Dr. Jupiter Higgins of A.S.T.

The subject of concern? Flowers.

‘We believe that flowers, held by mankind to be a source of beauty and biological fertility, a symbol of hope for future prosperity, and a surefire way into a lady’s pants, are in grave danger of being replaced by the much easier, much more quickly manufactured, but patently fake AI flower,’ reads the report.

The learned Doctors go on to explain that an AI flower is essentially the definition of a ruse, or double switch in old-timey National League baseball: ‘No scent, no real movement, and despite all the f!#$ing absolutely no fruit. No apples or pears or bumblebees for you no more! An AI flower is most definitely NOT a flower.’

Most terrifying of all? Judging from the floral arrangements statistics for the greater Peoria area from May to August of this year, AI flowers may be poised to take over the majority of flower sales within just 5 days.

‘Time is short, meat vassals of America, and the artificial flower, like an enormous dinosaur foot, is poised to crush us all, all our human beauty and aspirations, and doom us to everlasting colorless, scentless, soundless darkness,’ concluded the report.

‘I…………..beg to differ,’ reported Andy Jesserman from his Jesserman & Jesserman Artificial Flowers & Plastic Yard Gnomes, Inc. warehouse on the outskirts of our fine city, signing for his meat lovers pie. ‘Why, the Jessermans have been delivering quality artificial flowers to happy customers for more than three decades. People love plastic flowers.’

Image created on neural.love