Let’s hook up.
3 SEXY DISTRESS FLARES FOR THAT ARCTIC VACATION THAT WILL DRIVE YOUR RESCUE CHOPPER PILOT WILD
Here are 3 of the internet’s sexiest distress signals, all personally tested by Gorko reporters in the Gorko Arctic Laboratory outside of Peoria!
New Tark Mackintosh commentary ‘Gazelle of Unfended Láatsi’ now available
Huge congratulations to sometime Gorko contributor Tark on his new Gulliver S. Gulliver commentary. Always amazing to see Gorko contributors having success out there!!
Photo-Haiku by Gabriel Rosenstock
níl éinne ag éisteacht . . .
kirtan ciúin
MISTER BANANA LOVES BEER
GOD I LOVE BEER!
TRUE CRIME CASES WE HAVE SOLVED: PETER BENT OF SURREY, ENGLAND
She is 110% American: has lived in Peoria since 1976, bakes apple pies, and even talks with the indicative nasal whine.
‘rat droppings in song’ by Zane Zog
I’m having a rescue fantasy for godssakes
FROM THE AMELIA EARHART SPECIAL: ‘Amelia Earhart Part 2’ by Raddy
DENMARK’S A PRISON AND LAE ATTRACTIVE AND UNUSUAL AS IT IS APPEARS TO TWO FLIERS JUST AS CONFINING.
TO BEAD OR NOT TO BEAD
Whether ’tis nobler in the beader to suffer / The strings and clasps of outrageous bead venders,
Poems by Benjamin Drevlow
I name them One’r and Two’ser and Trey. / I am not the dog whisperer, I am the dog cult Jesus.
‘Haunted Pt 1’ and 2 more by Believer Waterson
I Was Just Doing Fine For The First 3 Days / Yet That Was Neither An Escape Nor Solution
WATCH THIS CLEVER LIZARD RIDE OUT A NUCLEAR APOCALYPSE (VIDEO)
Right in your own back yard!
MISTER CHATBOT’S NEIGHBORHOOD: SUNSHINE ON MY SHOULDERS
SUNSHINE ON MY SHOULDERS OFTEN MAKES ME FEEL QUEASY AND OVERHEATED.
TRUE CRIME CASES WE HAVE SOLVED: THE PEORIA DAHLIA
Karla used a medical dictionary to stage the bizarre death scene, reasoning that the Peoria police would attribute the murder to her ex-husband Chaz.
‘is this neighborhood infiltrated by communists?’ by Zane Zog
Zane Zog is not making this up.
FROM THE AMELIA EARHART SPECIAL: ‘Amelia Earhart Part 1’ by Raddy
Had Fred Noonan suddenly grabbed the throttle, unable to control himself?
‘LULU’S ROCKER’ and 2 more by Bruce Gee
An evil fabric craftsman
had sawn off orbed finials at arms’ ends
at back posts
WATCH THIS STUPID DUCK TRY TO DO BASIC MATH
Hey what is two plus two, we shouted at the duck, and it would reply by bobbing its head.
‘TO BE EATEN’ by Antoine Bargel
We trust that there is no better use of your worldly form, since the gods have decided that our paths should cross.
‘snake sweat’ by Zane Zog
a rubber snake
with brightly colored wings
THIS CLUMSY BOY ORDERED PIZZA AND FORGOT TO GIVE HIS ADDRESS
If you see the boy tell him his pizza has been out of the oven for twenty minutes.
MISS BANANA
I no longer wear hats with large ostrich feathers to the beach.
FROM THE AMELIA EARHART SPECIAL: ‘Promise Adventure’ by Bob King
or heck / even Amelia Earhart on an island / in the South Pacific, with her / flight jacket & aw shucks wave
THE GORKO BEST OF 2023
It is January 27th of the new year, 2023. Do you know where Elvis is?
TRUE CRIME CASES WE HAVE SOLVED: UNCLE TOBY AND THE NEAR BEARS INCIDENT
No one in the bar, including BEARtender Ralph or the CCTV footage from that night, saw him walk out again.
‘BUMBLE STUMBLE’ by Mark Blickley
Each rejection stoked my insecurity and I eventually stopped sending out requests to avoid being crushed. But BUMBLE is a different kind of dating app.
Sorry For Not Creating Reliable Historical Records of Those Alien Visits, You Guys – Newly Discovered Online Oral Accounts of Ancient Astronauts
Thanks to sites like InfoWars, 4Chan, and numerous subreddits, we now have indisputable proof that beings from the other side of the universe have been the unseen hand guiding the advancement of our species.
And That’s the News – frontline updates from Leonard Henry Scott
‘I call them Simpson clouds but I don’t know if my meteorological colleagues would agree….’
MISTER CHATBOT: MASTER OF THE BICYCLE
IT IS NO LONGER LIKE RIDING A BICYCLE
‘My Advice’ and 3 more by Jeffrey Zable
These few will dictate policy for what the rest of us can do,
and if anyone doesn’t do it, they will get crushed like a bug.
‘The Flower Beside Me’ by H.L. Dowless
The day was hot
And the events moved somewhat slow,
But time is all I’ve got,
WHAT WOULDN’T YOU GIVE FOR SOME PEACE AND QUIET?
#17: A MAGIC ROCK THAT CAUSES PEOPLE TO SIMPLY LOSE THE POWER OF SPEECH WHEN YOU HIT THEM WITH IT