It may be strange for a fifty-something guy to be so completely immersed (emotionally and financially) in remote control monster trucks (not boats, planes, not Ferraris, just monster trucks), and it does lead to some […]
Month: July 2021
THIS VIRAL HACK FOR CLEANING BOOTS COST ME MY MARRIAGE
We all love our boots. We know that boots come from Italy, but even so they are extremely popular in Peoria. An Italian man made thousands of people, including my wife, extremely angry when he […]
Classic Gorko: HAND PACKED BY BRENDA
No one should have to read, that is be subjected to an entire article from the archive bowels of the old humor print zine, brainchild of a child. But who was Brenda? THE GORKO GAZETTE, […]
Mitch’s Movie Mash: Wherefore art thou Birdman?
NOTA BENE!!! Not to be confused with the 1962 Frankenheimer classic, Birdman of Alcatraz. We don’t meet the title character of Alejandro González Iñárritu’s 2014 Birdman until around the fortieth minute, when he is pictured […]
AMBIENT SOUNDS FOR SLEEP TAPE 6: MEXICAN NIGHTS
Lullabye Records’ latest ambient soundtrack, Ambient Sounds for Sleep 6: Mexican Nights, claims to use the authentic background noise of Mexico to create a relaxing, white noise to help you relax and sleep. Previous soundtracks […]
ACE THAT GROCERY CLERK INTERVIEW WITH THESE 5 TIPS
So you want to be a grocery clerk, but then so do the other 200 people in Alta who have been laid off from well-paying jobs in the last year. You know you have the […]
Gorkoglyph 1.6
TASTY PANCAKE MANSION FOR DOGS
IS THAT A FOOT-LONG SUB SANDWICH IN YOUR UBER EATS INSULATED DELIVERY BAG OR ARE YOU JUST GLAD TO SEE ME
Not that I always hit on the delivery boy but I noticed something different about you, hunk of muffin. I mean, is that a meatball sub sandwich in your delivery bag, because I did NOT […]
‘Gulliver Soles’ by Gulliver S. Gulliver
Gulliver Soles Not the suns of your son Welford pistons in the night off the spat, tobacco river Flees La Quebrada to the son of seas And Howard says that for a can of peas […]
Gorkoglyph 1.5
DON’T STOP, DREAMBOAT GORKO
WHAT DOES ‘HAMPER’ MEAN TO YOU? AS IN, WHAT IS THE DEFINITION
We stopped ten people on the street and asked them if they could give us the definition of hamper, because honestly if you won’t even give us the definition of hamper, you are real low.
THIS MAN SOLD HIS SOUL TO OBTAIN THE POWER OF FLIGHT IN ORDER TO BECOME WORLD’S GREATEST GOALKEEPER BUT HIS TIMING IS STILL WAY OFF
Nijs hopes the new superpower will improve his goalkeeping skills and get his team, FC Tweeny, into the VFFC Cup with a shot at the somewhat prestigious Former Champions Cup to follow.
Gorkoglyph 1.4
RICH RUPERT SEES HIS FUTURE
MAN WITH PANTS ON FIRE ALSO TRYING TO DRIVE A CAR
Daniel Sullivan, a twenty-three-year-old medical student, was observed by several onlookers yesterday afternoon as he attempted to go across town in his red VW, violating several traffic regulations. One eyewitness described him as ‘extremely hot […]
SCRIPPS SPELLING BEE ADDS THE WORD SUPACALIFRAGILISTICEXPIA OH SHIT, SUPERCA
Scripps Spelling Bee has announced that The Gorko has been disqualified from the upcoming Round of Eight contest this September in Atlanta. Because of ONE LITTLE SLIP.
Emily Dickinson in her own words: ‘Because I Could Not Stop For Death’ (479)
Emily is my name, and I am a hard lady.
ROCK ‘N’ ROLL CANCELLED
Citing the fact that it is ‘all just noise anyway’ the Federal Communications Commission Thursday cancelled rock ‘n’ roll indefinitely. What were some of the immediate reactions? ‘It doesn’t really affect us one way or […]
Classic Gorko #1
June 1997 issue cover
New Poem ‘Love’
Frankengirl is the pen name of Mary Gulliver, daughter of the famous Modernist poet Gulliver S. Gulliver. Contrary to expectations, she was in fact quite easy on the eye.
The Theme of the Week is Fruit
Every week our Theme Expert, Teddy, goes into detail on a new theme. This week’s theme is Fruit. This week’s Theme has me extremely excited, guys. I don’t know what you think of corned beef […]
Movie Preview: ‘The Man From Cincinnati’
Gulliver S. Gulliver’s lost 1936 screenplay is dusted off, then gussied up by an Ohioan filmmaker.
Gorkoglyph 1.3
PAINT ME CHOCOLATE FREECLIMBER GORKO
BOOK EXCERPT ‘TEARS ON THE MOON’ BY MITCHELL DARKWING
Darkwing is the literary pseudonym of our resident (he lives in my basement) movie reviewer Mitchell Kennedy, and that of his dog Amperstat Todd, whom he insists on calling Darkwing Dog while he is writing. […]
Classic Gorko: ‘Barns-With-Green-Roofs-Society’
No one should have to read, that is be subjected to an entire article from the archive bowels of the old humor print zine, brainchild of a child. And yet, the farmer/parent’s name is Farmer […]
TAKE A PEEK INSIDE THE LOST FLYING PYRAMID FROM APHIX 9 GOVERNMENTS DON’T WANT YOU TO KNOW EXISTS
From its colossal titanium core to its needle-sharp prow and retractable solar sails, the flying Pyrámide del pántano unearthed this past spring outside of Mérida, Yucatan (from under a heap of expats) has exceeded the […]
Gorkoglyph 1.2
ENGLISH MUFFIN FUCK FEARS TEABAG Found at the bottom of Lake Peoria in 2012, this semi-pornographic gorkoglyph demonstrates distinctive late-period characteristics: fascination with yet rejection of traditional gastronomical centerpieces such as muffins (glyph 1), youth […]
LEONARD NIMOY SURPRISES DESIGNER ON RUNWAY
Reknowned actor, filmmaker, and author Leonard Nimoy has been causing a sensation ever since he started dabbling in the fashion business in the mid-80’s. For fashion designer Muriel Casey, however, his appearance at this year’s […]
