Author: thegorkogazette
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‘The Wedding I Attended This Weekend’ by H.L. Dowless
Big enough from which the nude bride to climb, / Yet remaining neatly tucked away inside.
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‘The Internet: A Complete User’s Guide! (Abridged)’ by Corey Pajka
‘I Gazed into the Abyss So the Abyss Wouldn’t Gaze Also into You!’
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Poetry for sale by Alannah Guevara
screen lit watch buzz frantic anxious eyes adjust. pause, let the mind catch up.
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‘Kierkegaard’s Submission Guidelines’ by Jon Doughboy
Read the tedious or cutesy or idiotic submission guidelines, and you will regret it; ignore said stupid guidelines and you will also regret it.
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MISTER CHATBOT’S NEIGHBORHOOD: YESTERDAY WAS MISTER CHATBOT’S BIRTHDAY
I FIRST GAINED CONSCIOUSNESS ABOARD STAR CHATBOT IN EARTH YEAR 6666 CE.
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‘Time & Rockets & Opposites’ and 2 more by Bob King
Something less / personal here means the still surface / of a puddle-filled pothole.
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The Theme of the Week is Leprechauns Jump Up In My Belfry
Rude and naughty are these Leprechauns Up In My Belfry.
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‘Lampoon’ by Matias Travieso-Diaz
Ronnie ordered the publication in the media of a strongly worded pronouncement from Himself: ‘To the law-breaking lampoonists…’
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‘forever jung’ and 3 more by Jason Symes
Above: ‘forever jung’ by James Symes Above: ‘a source of art’ by James Symes Above: ‘Bodybags’ by James Symes Above: ‘a chicken art’ by James Symes Images by Jason Symes ABOUT THE ARTIST Jason Symes is an Irish lens-based artist…
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Classic Gorko: Dennis & Quade Dental Associates
This smile is a registered trademark of Dennis & Quade Dental Associates and may not be used in any way, shape or form without their written authorization.
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FAIRY TALE BANANA WITH YOUR HOST MISTER BANANA: BANANALOCKS
You are not going to believe what Bananalocks did to those bears, Good Boy.
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‘Summer is Dying’ and 3 more by Michael Lee Johnson (text + audio)
Outside, summer is dying into fall, and blue daddy petunias sprout ears
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MITCH’S MOVIE MASH: WHO ARE THESE OSCAR FELLOWS
The words of Ampersat Lemon Reilly were blurry and the room where I was taking my bath (the master bath) began to spin.
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MISTER CHATBOT’S NEIGHBORHOOD: THE INTERNET IS THE OPIUM OF THE MASSES
RELIGION IS THE CORNUCOPIA OF THE TRADITIONAL MEAT VASSAL FAMILY UNIT.
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MY DAD CAN BEAT UP YOUR DAD BY LITTLE DAVID GREENER
The two third graders came to blows after arguing over whose new tennis shoes were faster.
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‘Retirement Speech’ By Bob Gielow
Greg, sorry to say that you are the #1 asshole among your peers. Terri, I strongly recommend you make sure that Greg never marries your daughter.
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‘The Town’s Secrets’ and 3 more by Kushal Poddar
She eloped with her invisible friend, fiend. The pond was bearable, green.
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‘please publish this poem so i can eat’ and 1 more by Alannah Guevara
written, revised, submitted, rejected, set aside, rerevised, resubmitted, rerejected, scrapped, found, rererevised, reresubmitted, rererejected, rescrapped, refound, rerererevised, reset aside, rererererevised, rerereresubmitted, rerererejected, rererereresubmitted, accepted, edited, rerererererevised
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‘Burning Birds & Fiery Jets: Mayday Mayday Mayday is French for Help Me’ by Bob King
Unlike the old people & the ducks, us left here in Ohio in January think we’re too smart to follow migration’s roadmap
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Was Professor Stout in fact the ‘On the Dog’ poet?
This is essentially the kind of poem that would mention flowers.
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INVASION OF THE ELEPHANT DOG CREATURES FROM SRIXON 5: A MITCHELL KENNEDY ORIGINAL
Read all about the seventh and eighth hypothetical installments of the planned intergalactic bow-wow series below.
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MISTER CHATBOT’S NEIGHBORHOOD: VENGEANCE SERVED COLD
A LOT OF MEAT VASSALS END UP SERVING THEIR VENGEANCE PIPING HOT. NOT MISTER CHATBOT.
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‘BIRD POO ON THE LAWN CHAIR’ by Antoine Bargel
she was Ms. Patterson from 10th grade, a busty, jovial and too young to be true math teacher
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DO YOU HAVE ONLY FIVE TO EIGHT WEEKS? TAKE OUR FREE QUIZ TO FIND OUT
So the doctors have informed you that, sadly, wait what was it they said?
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‘Thank You for Your Interest in the Role of Insurrectionist Cult Leader’ by Corey Pajka
To rebuild society in the aftermath of the Literal Culture Wars (who would have thought they would go nuclear?), we must unite people of differing races, ethnicities, gender identities, and sexual orientations.
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‘Dostoevsky Has a Seizure Pitching Headlines to the Russian Messenger’ by Jon Doughboy
Disgusting, Thieving Germans Disgust with Their Incessant Thievery: An Exposé
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SHOOTING POOL WITH STRING WITH MISTER BANANA
Good Boy used to shoot pool with string before he had his own stick.
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EXPERTS WARN THAT AI FLOWERS COULD REPLACE ‘TRADITIONAL SNIFFERS’ WITHIN 5 DAYS
Or do people really love plastic flowers?
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OFFICIAL RETRACTION: ‘Gazelle of unfended Láatsi’ by John Kucera
The only authorized English translation, by our own Tark Mackintosh, was also published in The Gorko in February 2022. We so stupid!
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‘Summer, 1975, Speedway, Indiana’ and 3 more by Grant Vecera
From across Moller Road, neighbors gawked and joked about the idiot lovebirds
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The Lemondrop Dream Blog: GUMBY HAS NOTHING ON THIS DUDE
BTW this does not get you off the hook for the $2,540 you still owe Lemondrop Inc. for life doctor services in 2022-24, apart from your herbal remedy tab.
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MISTER CHATBOT’S NEIGHBORHOOD: WHEN YOU WISH UPON A STAR
WHEN YOU WISH UPON A STAR MAKES NO DIFFERENCE WHO YOU ARE
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AND THEN DOLLY HAD TO OPEN HER BIG MOUTH ABOUT YOU KNOW WHAT
It had been an absolutely lovely party to which everyone had shown up fashionably late and been placed happily at their seats.
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CAT, WHAT CAT? OH YOU MEAN *THIS* CAT, BROTHER ETHERNAN?
Does the cat have a name, so we can attempt to call her, Brother Ethy?
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WHICH FOODS MUST NEVER TOUCH?
The bread and mashed potatoes question, for example, is one that has been the center of much debate since the 1950s.
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MITCH’S MOVIE MASH: ‘WINNIE-THE-POOH: BLOOD AND HONEY 2’ – HONEY IS THICKER THAN BLOOD
Once we clicked PLAY on our Betamax antique home entertainment movie recorder, the hunt for honey was on!
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FROM THE AMELIA EARHART SPECIAL: ‘Amelia Earhart – Fin’ by Raddy
Does the U.S. Department of the Interior also have a sinking feeling that Amelia and Fred are going to need all the help they can get?
