Author: thegorkogazette
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The Theme of the Week is Missing: Lost At The Zoo
Little David Greener, of course, generally goes missing in the Snake House.
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POPE FINALLY MEETS TOM BRADY
Gushing to reporters in the locker room after Sunday’s Prego Tom Brady event in the Stadio Olimpico in Rome, Italy’s first live American football event that featured a faceoff between the G.O.A.T.’s own Tampa Bay Buccaneers and some other team,…
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‘Man boosted & lost has been found’ by Bob Gielow
He was found with a bag from Gertrude Hawk Chocolates, half-full with mocha hazelnut brittle bark, and a receipt from 10:51 am.
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NO NOT A PICTURE OF THREE COWS, YOU PERVERT
Tis an early-century portrait of the ideal country life in a place with gently rolling hills, partial woodland, and the softest of zephyrs. Compare to other portraits of its time before you jump to conclusions next time, sicko. GORKO RETREAD!…
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Just a Dream – Go Back to Sleep: A book review by Hugh Blanton
If your vision of reality is shaped by, oh let’s say, the comments section of the NPR Facebook page, your reality may not be a good point to start a surrealist story.
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‘If I were investing’ by Mark Parsons
One for the beard; and one for his centaur glutes and thighs; Another for his greedy, gap-toothed grin
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2024 NFL RULE CHANGES EXPLAINED
The replacement of the traditional pigskin with shuttles (also known as birdies) shall also require the introduction of racquets.
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‘The West, A Nest And You, Dear: A Prose Poem’ by John RC Potter
Dad came home with a stereo console from the town’s furniture store.
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‘Sin Eaters Love Women Who Pray Over Bones’ and 2 more by Mark Blickley
Sin Eaters Love Women Who Pray Over Bones
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‘I See Bugs in His Aura’ by Camila Hamel
They shared everything, and many times took from each other without asking.
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‘Sin Eater Stan’ by JD Clapp
Eat too much sociopath sin and you’ll hurl like that time you drank two pints of Banna 99.
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WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF CILANTRO?
What flavor cilantro you think goes best with a standard yellow curry?
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2 poems by Matt Dennison
Stripped to the waist, sweating, curse-working the levers in the dark bath—there!
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The Lemondrop Dream Blog: Help! The Next Door Neighbors Keep Getting The Royal Shit Kicked Out Of Them
AITA for calling the police?
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3 poems by Cheryl Caesar
bearing the smells that live on hands that held them, backed them into holes, their heads out, passive.
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‘And Such Small Portions’ by Lion Summerbell
That day, God appeared to the people of earth: five foot eleven, tan bucks, cream sports coat, polo an awesome blue.
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3 WAYS TO TAKE OUT YOUR FRUSTRATION BY RUINING SOMEONE ELSE’S DAY
No one likes to get jostled or bumped by a stranger.
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MITCH’S MOVIE MASH: 3 MISTAKES YOU’RE PROBABLY MAKING WHILE WATCHING ‘MAXXXINE’
With these three simple pointers your MaXXXine movie-going experience will be as poop-your-pants, pee-your-knickers terrifying as ours!
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‘The chicken or the egg?’ by Nolcha Fox
They crashed the party. In a truck. The egg claimed it wasn’t his fault.
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‘Our Ritual’ and 2 more by James Croal Jackson
scrape the wings off my heart and wait wait sixty-five to eighty
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‘Fury of the Gorgons’ by Steve Passey
I had some sort of hash with hollandaise, she had something with an extra side of bacon. She loved bacon.
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NOW IMAGINE THAT TOAST WITHOUT ANY BUTTER OR EVEN AVOCADO ON IT: THAT IS THE APOCALYPSE
That, my friend, is the real apocalypse.
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THIS CHILI CON CARNE RECIPE WILL BURN YOUR FACE OFF
Our special chile con carne recipe is so hot it will literally make your face drip off of your skull.
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‘Sonny Liston’ and 2 more by John Davis
They said hit him Sonny hit him with your 20 arrests jab that left jab
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GERMAN PASTRY COMPANY KONDITOREI-KREME LAUNCHES REVOLUTIONARY NEW PREDICTABLE-CRUMBLE COOKIE
The predictable-crumble cookie is still in the testing phase, but scientists are optimistic for an end-of-year launch.
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WHOOPS Selections from Mykyta Ryzhykh
UN meets for next meeting Naked people die under the temple of the bushes
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EVERYONE KNOWS YOU HAVE TO PUT THE LIME IN THE COCONUT, BROTHER ETHERNAN
Dat’s right, little Ethy, you go put da lime in da coconut, and you drink it all up. You put the lime in the coconut, you drink ’em both together.
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THIS PEORIA HILLS HOMEOWNERS ASSOCIATION BANNED THE WORD ‘MUFFIN’. ALSO YOUR BICHON FRISE MUFFIN. WHAT DO YOU THINK?
How in God’s name am I supposed to call my dog now?
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‘My Kind Of Newspaper’ by Camille Norvaisas
At present, the squirrel remains on the first Y branch of the oak tree, a mere two feet above the capture party.
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SUSPECT IN EYE GOUGING CASE FACES TRIAL
Reports local child sleuth Nadira, the eye gouger has been taken behind the utility shed and is sitting there now under surveillance, awaiting trial.
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WORDS WE DREAD: RIFE
This word (which we do not permit to be used at our home) is creepy and full of spiders.
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‘Doody and Memory’ and one more by M.P. Powers
today I read in the news that two young men / from new york have just expired after falling / into a large tank of hogshit
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WE ALREADY DELETED YOUR COMMENT
Not sure how to sugarcoat this, so we will not, you son of a MONSTER: your most recent comment has already been deleted from this platform.
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‘Half Life’ by Jake Zawlacki
I didn’t want to act because acting looked like running and screaming like a psycho with your eyes wide open.
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‘Machine Gun Kelly’ by Tempest Miller
and it’s all No and it’s never yes and buddy I know, it’s the law
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The Theme of the Week is UAPs
Unidentified Anomalous Phenomena (U.A.P.) is the Pentagon’s latest working acronym for ‘submerged and trans-medium objects,’ replacing the antiquated term Unidentified Flying Object (U.F.O.).
