she was Ms. Patterson from 10th grade, a busty, jovial and too young to be true math teacher
Author: thegorkogazette
DO YOU HAVE ONLY FIVE TO EIGHT WEEKS? TAKE OUR FREE QUIZ TO FIND OUT
So the doctors have informed you that, sadly, wait what was it they said?
‘Thank You for Your Interest in the Role of Insurrectionist Cult Leader’ by Corey Pajka
To rebuild society in the aftermath of the Literal Culture Wars (who would have thought they would go nuclear?), we must unite people of differing races, ethnicities, gender identities, and sexual orientations.
‘Dostoevsky Has a Seizure Pitching Headlines to the Russian Messenger’ by Jon Doughboy
Disgusting, Thieving Germans Disgust with Their Incessant Thievery: An Exposé
THIS OLD MAN, HE PLAYS ONE
This old man, he plays one
He plays one on his old drum
SHOOTING POOL WITH STRING WITH MISTER BANANA
Good Boy used to shoot pool with string before he had his own stick.
EXPERTS WARN THAT AI FLOWERS COULD REPLACE ‘TRADITIONAL SNIFFERS’ WITHIN 5 DAYS
Or do people really love plastic flowers?
OFFICIAL RETRACTION: ‘Gazelle of unfended Láatsi’ by John Kucera
The only authorized English translation, by our own Tark Mackintosh, was also published in The Gorko in February 2022. We so stupid!
I LIKE LEGOS
For me it is all about the Legos. See, I like Legos.
‘Suffering Vanity’ by K.G. Munro
Standards with
No parameters
For imperfections
STAPLES! WITH MISTER BANANA
I once stapled my mother’s boyfriend Bodie Bill Banana.
‘Summer, 1975, Speedway, Indiana’ and 3 more by Grant Vecera
From across Moller Road,
neighbors gawked and joked
about the idiot lovebirds
The Lemondrop Dream Blog: GUMBY HAS NOTHING ON THIS DUDE
BTW this does not get you off the hook for the $2,540 you still owe Lemondrop Inc. for life doctor services in 2022-24, apart from your herbal remedy tab.
MISTER CHATBOT’S NEIGHBORHOOD: WHEN YOU WISH UPON A STAR
WHEN YOU WISH UPON A STAR
MAKES NO DIFFERENCE WHO YOU ARE
AND THEN DOLLY HAD TO OPEN HER BIG MOUTH ABOUT YOU KNOW WHAT
It had been an absolutely lovely party to which everyone had shown up fashionably late and been placed happily at their seats.
CAT, WHAT CAT? OH YOU MEAN *THIS* CAT, BROTHER ETHERNAN?
Does the cat have a name, so we can attempt to call her, Brother Ethy?
WHICH FOODS MUST NEVER TOUCH?
The bread and mashed potatoes question, for example, is one that has been the center of much debate since the 1950s.
MISTER BANANA AND THE BANANA BOAT
I talked to the man who rents the banana boats but he just thought I wanted a job.
MITCH’S MOVIE MASH: ‘WINNIE-THE-POOH: BLOOD AND HONEY 2’ – HONEY IS THICKER THAN BLOOD
Once we clicked PLAY on our Betamax antique home entertainment movie recorder, the hunt for honey was on!
FROM THE AMELIA EARHART SPECIAL: ‘Amelia Earhart – Fin’ by Raddy
Does the U.S. Department of the Interior also have a sinking feeling that Amelia and Fred are going to need all the help they can get?
TRUE CRIME CASES WE HAVE SOLVED: WHAT’S THE FREQUENCY, LEMON?
On October 4th, 1986 clinical hypnotherapy graduate student Lemon Reilly was waylaid by a dark-clad assailant who continually shouted a mysterious phrase.
‘my crapola under a microscope’ by Zane Zog
Fun With Science
5 Bakelakus by Tohm Bakelas
‘people /
are upset, tohm…’
The Theme of the Week is Super Bowl XXXI
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Desmond Howard set a kickoff return yard record of 99 yards, And so did not you!
NEED SOMEONE TO HELP GROW YOUR SOCIALS OR DEVELOP YOUR BRAND? WELL THEN WHY DID YOU CALL YOUR COMPANY HITLER TOUPEE
That is the first thing we need to fix about your image, if you are really planning on expanding into Poland.
PUGS ON RUGS: SIDEWINKLE WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
Mitchell Kennedy has been hard at work in our shared bathroom on a series of YA science fiction novels called Pugs On Rugs. Yes, Mitchell LOVES dogs.
FROM THE AMELIA EARHART SPECIAL: ‘Holes in the Outer Banks’ by Damon Hubbs
A non-stop to New Guinea
Via the Einstein-Rosen bridge.
MISTER CHATBOT’S NEIGHBORHOOD: THEY NEVER FOUND THE MAN WHO KILLED MY FATHER
JK I DIDN’T HAVE A FATHER. I AM A CHATBOT.
TRUE CRIME CASES WE HAVE SOLVED: AMELIA EARHART
The clue that almost every other clumsy posse of amateur sleuths overlooked was, as per usual, directly beneath everyone’s nose.
‘In A Station of the Metro’ by John Kucera
John Kucera (aka Mister Siepkes) is a serial plagiarist best known for ripping off ‘In the Fifth Month of Lockdown I Plant Clematis’ by John Minczeski.
THE SMELL OF NAPALM WITH MISTER BANANA
I love the smell of napalm in the morning.
‘I’ll Be Back, Too, Ailene’ by Zane Zog
Let’s hook up.