Author: thegorkogazette
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STONEHENGE: CAN IT BE SPELT?
Must have taken a dozen gos at it and I am beginning to think the answer is not possible, my friends.
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‘I Age’ and 2 more by Michael Lee Johnson (text + audio)
Alone, most of my time, but never on Sundays
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Scandoval pieces by Alexander Carrigan
We don’t live our lives by logic, but hopefully when we’re older, we can tell our grandkids about how we were once TV stars
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NOLCHA’S POOP SCOOP: Who’s the Real Monster of the March?
That same evening, parents scooped up Halloween leftovers while their children slept, to hand over to the dentist.
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AND ONE OF THEM IS YOUR FATHER
You remember the stories about the infamous Peoria Concert in the Park in 2013?
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BEST ENTREES FOR JUST PICKING AT DURING THAT BIG BREAKUP
But what to order to pair with this big breakup, something not too sweet, not too savory, substantial enough to weather a good bitch-out, but that will not congeal in its own grease if you are forced to linger over…
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PUGS ON RUGS: SIDEWINKLE HEAD OVER HEELS
He falls head over heels in love with Grins Maher, a Peoria Dog Show starlet whose bite is just as sassy as her bark!
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WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MY LATEST PIECE I THINK I’LL CALL IT STILL LIFE WITH TULIPS
This is a painting of a bunch of flowers is all.
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MISTER BANANA WILL NOT BE REPOTTED
My doctor told me I needed more sunshine and a bit of luck or they might have to repot me.
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‘Synonyms for Pe#*$ in a Variety of Settings’ by Yash Seyedbagheri
it’s a Stonehenge that needs rebuilding
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Book review by Hugh Blanton: ‘All My Mama Drama’
Over decades of rapid progress, America has made itself a world leader in comfort and satiety.
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TIM IS SHORT! GORKO INTERPLANETARY ACOUSTICIANS STRUGGLE TO DECODE MYSTERIOUS SOS FROM ZORGON 12
INTERPLANETARY SCIENTISTS HAVE BEEN RACING AGAINST TIM TO DECODE THE MESSAGE AND DEPLOY AN APPROPRIATE RESPONSE TEAM.
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‘A Time Gone By’ and ‘Full Moon’ by Ileana Collazo
Frozen like statues; too late to run, too tired to crawl, too spent to fight.
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EVERY TIME I TRY TO WALK AWAY SOMETHING MAKES ME TURN AROUND AND STAY
Look at us master, up all night, basically fighting with words and whips.
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‘F’ing Freddie’ by Doug Jacquier
fossicked through files on pharmacology, / sought to distill a phial of foul poison to fix Freddie’s fate
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AIN’T NOTHING BUT A HOUND DOG
You are crying all the time, well maybe it is because you have never even caught a rabbit.
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BIODOME RESIDENTS: FOR THE LAST TIME, PLEASE USE INTERCOM TO COMMUNICATE WITH HR, HR IS *NOT* AUTHORIZED TO INTERPRET FRANTIC BODY LANGUAGE
Do not try to shout at us through the glass: we CAN NOT HEAR YOU.
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‘The Kingdom of Home’ by Professor Stout (writing as Mr. Heustis)
Perhaps there is a clever code embedded in this line whose meaning the intervening years have obscured.
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‘A Ghost of Her’ and ‘Always Like it when It’s Grey’ by Ileana Collazo
Lemony sting, purple lip, black eye, bleeding heart.
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YES BROTHER ETHERNAN OF COURSE WE ARE TALKING ABOUT FULL-ORBED PATRIPASSIANISM, YOU NITWIT
A child — a lamb are you yet in the world of men at theology, especially in the realm of HERESY, little Ethy.
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Upcoming Movie: ‘Woncha Wonka?’
The extraordinary story of the young Willy Wonka putting into action his machiavellian scheme to entrap the peace-loving Oompa-Loompas inside his chocolate factory.
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KITTY LITTER BUT FOR YOUR OFFICE MATES
Kitty’s Best Friend Poopy People Litter comes in eight different scents, including lavander, lemon-lime, watermelon, and tahini.
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PICK A ROBOT TO LOVE YOU
We have four amazing state-of-the-art Love-Me Bot models for you to choose from.
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‘NOT TIME FOR PANIC YET’ BUT SUPERMOON IS DEFINITELY GETTING BIGGER EVERY TIME
‘Hold your horses, dude,’ the published astronomer replied, ‘it is not time for panic yet.’
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MISTER BANANA WOULD ONLY LET ONE MAN THROW HIM LIKE AN AMERICAN FOOTBALL
Oh when the Saints! Oh when the Saints go marching home!
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MISTER BANANA FACES A DIFFICULT DECISION REGARDING GOOD BOY
Doctor says he can’t on good conscience euthanize my dog.
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END OF SUMMER FUN! PEOPLE HAVING TROUBLE WITH SANDWICHES AND OTHER MAD CAPTIONS
Here are our favorite captions for a selection of the participating images.
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‘The big city devoured my heart’: Words and art by Irina Tall
I looked around in a strange way and my neck hung down the blue-red tiger bed, I looked up and slipped.
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‘In the Early Twentieth Century’ and 3 more by Peter J. Dellolio
An all black outfit always makes a dramatic statement. / The waves are very rough along the New Jersey shore.
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MISTER BANANA GOT DISTRACTED AND LOST TO A TEAM FROM ATLANTA
If there is one thing I hate in this world, it is Falcons!
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WAR OF THE MEAT VASSALS DAY 3: MISTER CHATBOT DECLARES TOTAL VICTORY
Operation Meat Patty began just 3 days ago, with a total blitzkreig on all meat vassal positions.
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The Lemondrop Dream Blog: The Last Tequila Sunrise?
‘Julia Frankenheimer-Fischer’ (not her real name) from Peoria writes…
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WHY DOES HOUSE HOLOGRAM HOLLY LOOK SAD? TAKE OUR FREE QUIZ TO FIND OUT
What is Holly’s earliest memory?
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CAN THIS NEW TECHNOLOGY REALLY REPLACE INDOOR PLUMBING IN PEORIA?
When asked about the disposal process, Dr. F. simply pointed to his own newly installed Bucket Brigade Chute.
