From its colossal titanium core to its needle-sharp prow and retractable solar sails, the flying Pyrámide del pántano unearthed this past spring outside of Mérida, Yucatan (from under a heap of expats) has exceeded the […]
Author: thegorkogazette
Gorkoglyph 1.2
ENGLISH MUFFIN FUCK FEARS TEABAG Found at the bottom of Lake Peoria in 2012, this semi-pornographic gorkoglyph demonstrates distinctive late-period characteristics: fascination with yet rejection of traditional gastronomical centerpieces such as muffins (glyph 1), youth […]
LEONARD NIMOY SURPRISES DESIGNER ON RUNWAY
Reknowned actor, filmmaker, and author Leonard Nimoy has been causing a sensation ever since he started dabbling in the fashion business in the mid-80’s. For fashion designer Muriel Casey, however, his appearance at this year’s […]
Gorkoglyph 1.1
MEET SASSY FACE FRENCH GORKO
6 Mistakes You’re Making When You Watch ‘Star Trek III: The Search For Spock’
1) You are not letting the actors speak their lines Even if you know every word of the script by heart, many people don’t realize that by speaking over the actors they are cheating themselves […]
CRUISE SHIP GETS APPROVAL TO SET SAIL FROM MALAYSIA
‘Thank you,’ said the ship, a Mainstream Cruiser named Jerry. Jerry had been in quarantine since last December, following a deadly outbreak of coronavirus among his crew and passengers. He plans to head home to […]
Gorkoglyph 1.0
GORKO HUGS COLD POTATO BALL
MULTIPLE WITNESSES ACCUSE UNCLE TOBY OF WALKING WITHOUT MOVING HIS ARMS
Three-year-old Aisha, her older sister Nadira, and a neighborhood boy of undetermined age who was going around calling himself Bill reported that on several occasions today they had seen Uncle Toby walking without moving his […]
The Lemondrop Dream Blog FAQ
Hello friends. My name is Lemon Reilly, your Life Doctor.
AND WE PAID GOOD MONEY FOR IT: A PHOTO ESSAY
Things Ron and Meryl paid good money for.
EXISTENTIAL PHILOSOPHER-POET’S NAME IS ANDY
Turns out that the best-selling existentialist philosopher-poet Andrew S. Kuznetsov III, is just called Andy by his friends, sources reported Monday. ‘It is kind of a disappointment, to be frank,’ said JaMarcus, Mr. Kuznetsov’s new […]
Upcoming Movie: ‘Potato’
Festival press has been quick to condemn Ruben Andreyev’s ambitious 3-hour single-take film of a potato, Potato, for being slow, melodramatic, and starchy beyond limits even contemplated by the director of The Turin Horse. But […]
Classic Gorko: ‘What is the difference between celebrities and mules?’
No one should have to read, that is be subjected to an entire article from the archive bowels of the old humor print zine, brainchild of a child. And yet, what IS the difference between […]
FAKE NEWS BETTER FOR THE DIGESTION, STUDY FINDS
A recent study claims to have linked the symptoms of unrest to unhealthy levels of consumption of real-life news articles and TV.
WOMAN HAS BEEN TRAVELING FOR TWO YEARS — IN HER OWN HOME!
Over the past two years, Sandra Benucchio of North Peoria has visited every country in the world except Slovakia (or was it Slovenia), she told Gorko reporters as they worked a weekend shift at the […]
‘Thunder King Sprinkler at Dawn’ by Jeebs Finzach (Summer 1932)
Thunder King sprinkler at dawnOne foot tippledT’other sawnlogs. Antonio shifted in the outbuildingSkillet spit, phono-graph’s pho-nemePlowed. Rare wind from the southToday. Thunder King on the horizon. Jeebs Finzach (summer 1932) Notes by Tark Mackintosh ‘Thunder […]
NINE CREAMSICLES THAT WILL LEAVE YOU WANTING THE REAL THING
Cover photo by @pablomerchanm Other pics in order by:Nature Zen@sheri_silverAron VisualsAlison Marras@bartosheviczDaniel Öberg@sheri_silver@dani_r_photosMartin Widenka
BOOK EXCERPT: ‘FRIED GREEN RUTABAGAS’ BY MITCHELL O’HARA
But Margaret would not be consoled, and fell into a heap on the fancy carpeting.
TODD AND ASHLEY NEILSON WELCOME SECOND BABY!!!!!!
Todd and Ashley Neilson, two little-known non-celebrities from West Peoria, announced the birth of their second child over Memorial Day weekend. Todd works in waste management and Ashley is a stay-at-home mother. Now these two […]
YOU KNOW THAT SCENE IN ‘ARACHNOPHOBIA’ I AM TALKING ABOUT
You mean the one where the spider drops on the chick’s face in the shower?
Classic Gorko: ‘Frank Robinson, Resident Bag Lady’
Classic Gorko excerpts quoted from memory by a diehard fan of the old zine… I’m pretty sure I still have my copy of the last one you issued The one that contains the LARRY ANDERSON […]
‘IN AMERICA EVERY LITTLE GIRL GETS A PONY’ SAYS AMERICAN TOURIST IN ACAPULCO
Jen Smith of Harrison County and Smith Horse Farm in southern Indiana was overheard enlightening Mexican locals about life in the United States of America earlier today. ‘Every little girl gets a pony,’ she told […]
This Week’s Theme is Antibacterial Gel
As more and more poets are vaccinated against the COVID-19 virus, many will begin to experience a strange nostalgia for the year that was 2020-21, with its masks, chlorine doormats, oxygen tanks, and of course Antibacterial Gel.
OH, I JUST DIED IN YOUR ARMS TONIGHT
Who would have thought a boy like me could come to this.
FEEL THAT WARM BREEZE, HAROLD
Nuclear holocaust survivors Maud and Harold Green have yet to realize their unique predicament as the last living people in Peoria, a source told The Gorko Wednesday. ‘They are just going about their normal lives […]
Mitch’s Movie Mash: ‘Jurassic World War’ takes a pass on premillennialist escatology
If you have read the book Jurassic World War you will know that in the last chapter the entire conflict between dinosaurs and man is essentially rendered irrelevant by the second coming of Christ, the […]
Classic Gorko: ‘The World Stinks’
No one should have to read, that is be subjected to an entire article from the archive bowels of the old humor print zine, brainchild of a child. And yet, had the jokes been any […]