Month: October 2021
CANDY BARS WITH RAZOR BLADES INSIDE RANKED BY JOHNSON STREET ADDRESS
With Halloween looming sinister on the horizon, it seems it’s that time of the year again when we rank our favorite sweets (candy bars, fudge squares, marshmallow products, bon-bons, truffles, gums, circus peanuts, giant gummies, […]
BUT MR. AND MRS. HALVERSON DIED IN 1984
Photo by Ján Jakub Naništa on Unsplash
Book Excerpt: ‘Mr. Mitchell’s Bookshop of Wonders Come in Children’ by Mitchell Greybeard
This is what we found in Mitchell’s creative studio this morning, an unfinished treatment of a bittersweet coming-of age-novel, a real tearjerker. CHAPTER ONE Dingle dingle, went the door to Mr. Mitchell’s Bookshop of Wonders, […]
THEY WARNED HER NEVER TO PUT A BALLOON ON A STICK
Ever since she was small they had warned her of the dangers of putting a balloon on the end of a stick, whether tied or taped. Yesterday afternoon at approximately 4 pm, she paid the […]
THE REAL HALLOWEEN? DESCRIBE YOUR PROLAPSED HEMORRHOIDS IN SIX WORDS OR LESS
Hemorrhoids (traditionally known as piles, just like Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley on consumption probably was talking tuberculosis) are swollen veins in your lower rectum and anus (read: butthole) that can AS YOU WELL KNOW cause extreme […]
REAL-LIFE HOBBIT DISCOVERED IN DUBLIN
Correction from the August 20th, 2021 article The hobbit in question was discovered in northern China. The furry-footed creature was unfortunately unwilling to open the door for comment. Photo by Yang Shuo on Unsplash
The Theme of the Week is Scooped Twist Back Duplex Support Workout Bras
Every week our Theme Expert, Teddy, goes into detail on a new theme. This week’s theme is Scooped Twist Back Duplex Support Workout Bras. If you are like most poets, you like to look good […]
THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NEVER TO HONK FOR MY DAUGHTER, ŚLUSARCZYK
I tell you once I tell you a thousand times Ślusarczyk, you son of a fishmonger, you dirty nephew of a czar! You come round here looking for my daughter you walk through the gate, […]
THE STATE OF ILLINOIS GAVE TEENS $250 FOR CULTURE AND THEY CHOSE WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED
When the State of Illinois launched an app that gave all 18-year-olds in the state $250 to spend on literature, music, exhibits, stage plays, or even art supplies or classes, City of Peoria authorities got […]
NO NOT A PICTURE OF THREE COWS, YOU PERVERT
Tis an early-century portrait of the ideal country life in a place with gently rolling hills, partial woodland, and the softest of zephyrs. Compare to other portraits of its time before you jump to conclusions […]