Author: thegorkogazette
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IF THERE ARE NO PIMIENTAS IN MY OLIVES I AM GOING TO LOSE MY F*#!ING SHIT
Stuff. My. Olives. With. Pimientas.
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PUT UP OR SHUT UP: TIME FOR YOU TO MAKE GOOD ON YOUR PROMISE TO TAKE US ALL TO SALAMI QUEEN AND BUY US HOT DOGS
We have heard all of your excuses and no sorry but we will not be put off.
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LIFE GAVE ME A BATHTUB FULL OF ICE AND A MISSING KIDNEY SO I MADE A NON-ALCOHOLIC MARGARITA
My friends all wanted to know how I was dealing with being robbed of a kidney, but I told them to calm down.
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NOW OUT: RADDY’S CHAPBOOK ‘FEAR OF SLEEP’ WITH ALIEN BUDDHA
sometimes my mind is small I experience shrinkage
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TV EVENT OF THE YEAR? ‘HIPPIE ANGELS ON THE PLANET OF THE TWIGS: EPISODE III’
Ampersat Todd (@Todd) was of the contrary opinion, arguing that it is just Doozie’s war face.
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‘Before You Gave Up Dancing’ by Kyle Hemmings
You’ll sleep with your sweaty clothes stained with orange juice and experimental vodka.
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DO GOOD-LOOKING STRANGERS KEEP NODDING TO YOU WITH A SECRET SMILE? 3 UPTOWN TRAINS WHERE THIS NEVER HAPPENS
WHAT EXACTLY IS THE PROBLEM Have you, like me, found yourself under a constant barrage of good-looking strangers who nod to you with a secret smile? Tired of the day-to-day conundrum of whether to nod and smile back, or just…
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THIS MAN’S FLYING MACHINE FAILED BECAUSE IT REQUIRED INVISIBLE HORSES
This man invented a flying machine but it failed because of one crucial flaw: it was powered by invisible flying horses. When Benajmin Doolittle Toussaint Jr. II designed his flying machine all of his chums immediately exclaimed that he was…
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TV EVENT OF THE YEAR? SECOND LOOK AT ‘HIPPIE ANGELS ON THE PLANET OF THE TWIGS’
Notice that Pastel Fawn is dancing upon a twig, because she is quite small.
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Buster & Bibi – Episode 1225c – ‘Is Bibi having an affair??’ by Kyle Hemmings
Some guy named LESTER?
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PEOPLE HAVING TROUBLE WITH SANDWICHES NO. 7
Favorite captions will be published at the end of the summer.
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This Was Not a Good Friday for Us – A Statement from the Apostles of Jesus Christ
A week that began with a hero’s welcome paved by palm leaves and featuring a lovely dinner party has concluded in grim, violent fashion.
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IS THIS THE CHEETO TASTING WITH COMPLIMENTARY FIZZY DRINKS BUFFET ADVERTISED FOR 7PM, OR AM I IN THE WRONG ROOM?
I am particularly excited to try the Macaroni and Cheese Cheetos, and of course the Deluxe Diablo Twists. Are those the Cheeto buckets on the far wall?
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WHEN TWO THONGS DON’T MAKE A RIGHT
You have probably heard that two thongs always make a right, but slow down there friend! Here are 3 classic examples when two thongs very definitely not NOT make a right.
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TV EVENT OF THE YEAR? FIRST LOOK AT ‘HIPPIE ANGELS ON THE PLANET OF THE TWIGS’
Gorko Entertainment Editor Mitchell Kennedy reports: If you were excited about the new Atavar movie, boy oh boy do you have something to look forward to this summer. The new poster from Hippie Angels on the Planet of the Twigs…
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ASTONISHING: THESE 3 PEOPLE ALL PERSONALLY KNOW THE POPE
Look at this lineup of studs in red stoles who all personally know the representative of Jesus Christ on Earth, Pope Francis. Astonishing!
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3 Transformative Poems by Alexander Carrigan
Hahahaha FUCK. That was so fun. Now all’s I need is a VCR.
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A THIN SLICE OF ANXIETY INTERVIEW WITH GORKO EIC RADDY
Did your grandparents keep the plastic on the couches?
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3 DEAD PEOPLE WHO WERE ACTUALLY US PRESIDENTS
George Washington was a U.S. president from 1789 to 1797.
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RUBES: THESE 3 PEOPLE IN YOUR OFFICE DON’T EVEN SPEAK BASIC KLINGON
What is Richard going to say when the Qo’noS warriors demand qaStaHvIS wa’ ram loS SaD Hugh SIjlaH qetbogh loD?
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OMG I AM AI ART
ENTER THE GORKO CAPTION CONTEST FOR THIS IMAGE Free to enter because we want you to do our work for us! Favorite captions will be published at the end of each month. Photo by Arnaud_Martinez on istockphoto.com YOU MAY ALSO…
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REMEMBERING 2020: THE 6-HOUR ZOOM MEETING THAT COST 24 MAPLETON SUPPLIES CO. EMPLOYEES 6 HOURS OF THEIR LIVES
‘It is all part of the process of helping each other deal with the grief.’
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GORKO CHEF RAMBO BOLILLO REVEALS THE 3 THINGS HE REGULARLY DICES WITH JUST AN OPEN PALM
‘I used to chop everything with just my mincing, dicing hands,’ Rambo told The Gorko, ‘but in recent years have gotten away from chicken and lamb.’
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PEOPLE HAVING TROUBLE WITH SANDWICHES NO. 6
Favorite captions will be published at the end of the summer.
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Buster & Bibi (& Lennon the dog) – ‘Another day in the life’ by Kyle Hemmings
I’M THE BOSS IN THIS HOUSE A MAN IS ALWAYS BOSS
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HOW TO TAKE A FRUITING: CORRECT/INCORRECT FORM
ENTER THE CAPTION CONTEST FOR TODAY’S IMAGE Free to enter because we want you to do our work for us! Favorite captions will be published at the end of the summer. Image created on DALL-E (people balancing fruit on their…
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I’m Starting To Think Many Of You Don’t Appreciate My Ugly Pe#*$ by Harvey Weinstein
A lot of people aren’t talking about my pe#*$. It’s time to change that.
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Book Excerpt: ‘Spring Snow Under The Cherry Blossom Tree Of The Sepulchred Mirror Hallway Geisha’ by HARUKI ISHIGAWA MITCHELL
‘Haruki Ishigawa Mitchell’ has been trying his hand at imitating the Kafkaesque Japanese authors Haruki Murakami, Sayaka Murata, and Kotaro Ishigawa.
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Buster & Bibi – Episode CVXXIiZ – ‘High Altitude’ by Kyle Hemmings
She was trying to levitate but got stuck
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BACK OFF MAN OR I WILL POST PICTURES OF SAD PETS WITH CANCER
TAKE DOWN ALL OF YOUR COMMENTS ON MY DARREN SHARP SHARPENS VIDEO SERIES BY NOON TODAY *********OR******** I FRICKING SWEAR I WILL POST PICTURES OF SAD PETS WITH CANCER
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PEOPLE HAVING TROUBLE WITH SANDWICHES NO. 5
Favorite captions will be published at the end of the summer.
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VEGETABLE SHORTAGE IN PEORIA? THESE LOCAL TEENS WATCH FEWER THAN 14 HOURS OF TV PER WEEK
‘Better start canning. The end is near.’
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DE DO DO DO, DE DA DA DA IS ALL I WANT TO SAY TO YOU
A lot of people make good money because they are good with words. De do do do, de da da da.
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Upcoming Movie: ‘Elvis’ starring Elvis of course
The iconic rocker beat out several hopefuls for the role, including Austin Butler and of course Nicholas Cage.
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POPE RULES OUT FISH AFTER JUST A QUICK PEEK AT MENU
While the Pope usually orders fish on Fridays, today apparently will be an exception.
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HOW HOT CAN A CAT GET?
DISCLAIMER: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS ARTICLE. YOU ARE THE SICK ONE, NOT US. Photo by Erik Mclean on Unsplash YOU MAY ALSO LIKE…
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NO GRIFF THE HOTDOG STAND IS THIS WAY
ENTER THE GORKO CAPTION CONTEST FOR THIS IMAGE Free to enter because we want you to do our work for us! Favorite captions will be published at the end of each month. Photo by Arnaud_Martinez on istockphoto.com YOU MAY ALSO…
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HUA HUA HUA! NEW STUDY SUGGESTS THAT FLOWERS ARE CHINESE
‘It seemed obvious so we did the research and, yep, the results were very conclusive.’
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THIS GUY’S NAME IS RHYS BUT HIS CAT GOT RUN OVER BY HIS EX-WIFE’S BOYFRIEND
IT WAS BRANDON I WILL KILLLLL HIMMMM
