Author: thegorkogazette
-
THIS GUY’S NAME IS RHYS BUT HIS CAT GOT RUN OVER BY HIS EX-WIFE’S BOYFRIEND
IT WAS BRANDON I WILL KILLLLL HIMMMM
-
3 LADY PIRATES WHO WERE FREAKS IN THE SHEETS
Alongside her friend-in-piracy Mary Read, Anne Bonny positively rode raw the sheets of the 18th century Caribbean.
-
‘Slowly Slowly, Catchee Monkey’ and 2 more by Lynn White
Perhaps that’s where leaders lead us ultimately hanging on a plumb line to the depths
-
IF YOU HAD TO COULD YOU MAKE A PAPER AIRPLANE IN UNDER 30 SECONDS
That is right, this paper airplane is for BAD HOMBRES.
-
The Lemondrop Dream Blog: SOMETIMES A PISTOL IS JUST A PISTOL
Hello friends. My name is Lemon Reilly, your Life Doctor.
-
IF YOU STARTED A BAND WOULD YOU CALL IT RESIDUAL DOOM
If you had to choose, would you be a bullrider or a bullfighter?
-
Classic Gorko: NATIONAL NERD NETWORK
IF I HAD ONLY KNOWN YOU WERE SUCH A LOSER can be purchased by sending $1.00 to the editor.
-
LISTEN TO THE SOUND OF THESE PORTLY HIKERS SLAMMING INTO TREES
Here at The Gorko we realize that you have a busy life and sometimes simply do not have time to get out in nature the way you would like. That is why we have decided to bring you the sound…
-
WHAT WILL YOU MISS MORE AFTER THE APOCALYPSE, COFFEE OR BOLLYWOOD YEAH WE THOUGHT SO BOLLYWOOD ALWAYS MAKES ME CRY ON FRIDAY NIGHTS TOO
Please forward your answers to the Committee Chairperson.
-
PEOPLE HAVING TROUBLE WITH SANDWICHES NO. 4
Favorite captions will be published at the end of each month.
-
3 SMALL HORSES THAT ARE REALLY INTERNATIONAL ESPIONAGE AGENTS
Faroe the Pharoah later admitted to having become disillusioned with the American way of life, especially the dismal quality of hay.
-
1 DRESS, 10 BRIDES: 10 OF ‘LITERARY CRITIC’ DON MARKENBALDI’S DEAD WIVES HAVE WORN THIS DOOMSDAY OUTFIT TO THE ALTAR
The white lace bodice shortsleeved doomsday outfit that reportedly cost him only $389.99 in 1994.
-
FINALLY PROVEN: ROCK ‘N’ ROLL IS MADE OUT OF DONUTS
‘When we began really looking into what really rock ‘n’ roll music is made of, on a molecular level, it was just donuts.’
-
IS YOUR PLANET BULGING? 3 TIPS TO FIRM UP YOUR CIRCUMFERENCE
Have you been looking at satellite images of your planet and noticing a bit of late Holocine bulging?Check out our 3 easy remedies for firming up a bulging circumference.
-
SO IT IS FEBRUARY WELL I’LL GO DOWN THEIR CHIMNEYS WHENEVER I DARN WELL FEEL LIKE IT
ENTER THE GORKO CAPTION CONTEST FOR THIS IMAGE Free to enter because we want you to do our work for us! Favorite captions will be published at the end of each month. Image created on neural.love YOU MAY ALSO LIKE…
-
The Theme of the Week is Ronnie And Sally Sittin In A Tree
JUST GOOD OLD-FASHIONED VANILLA-FLAVORED AMERICANA FOLKS
-
THE NEW MILLENNIAL LIBRARY FROM A TO Z
Challenged books for the K-12 set get the lion’s share of media attention, but what about books for emerging-to-Millennial adults?
-
RACIST: THIS SHETLAND PONY WAS REFUSED ENTRANCE TO LOCAL CLUB FOR APPEARING UNDERAGED
‘They discriminated against me based on my breed.’
-
TRAGIC: THIS SHETLAND PONY WAS TOLD IT WAS TOO SHORT TO RIDE ON THE NEW DEATH PLUMMET ROLLER COASTER
‘It is just shocking to experience [this kind of discrimination] yourself.’
-
MITCH’S MOVIE MASH: ‘THIRTEEN LIVES’ OR DO YOU MEAN ‘THIRTEEN LIES’
THIS MOVIE IS BASED ON THE TRUE STORY OF THE 2018 THAI CAVE RESCUE MISSION IN WHICH 12 KIDS AND A SOCCER COACH WERE TRAPPED IN A CAVE COMPLEX BY UNDERWORLD SPIRIT CREATURES
-
RIPPING YOUR SHIRT OFF IN PREPARATION TO ENTER THE WRESTLING RING AND GRAPPLE WITH DARREN THE DESTROYER? INSTEAD CONSIDER DONATING IT TO ONE OF THESE 3 CHARITIES
Slow down there Hercules, and consider just slipping the shirt off intact, to be donated to one of the following 3 charities!
-
NO PIXIES ALLOWED ON THE PIRATE SHIP GENTLEMEN
I have called this little pow-wow gentlemen because I have had reports of some of the men sneaking pixies aboard the ship again. The anonymous complaint states that the pixies are generally snuck aboard in pantaloon pockets or seaman chests.…
-
TOMATOES MADE MY SANDWICH GET ALL SOGGY
ENTER THE CAPTION CONTEST FOR THIS IMAGE! Free to enter because we want you to do our work for us! Favorite captions will be published at the end of each month. Image created on neural.love YOU MAY ALSO LIKE…
-
PEOPLE HAVING TROUBLE WITH SANDWICHES NO. 2
Favorite captions will be published at the end of each month.
-
IF YOU HAD ONLY ONE GLOVE WOULD YOU KEEP IT ON YOUR PERSON AS A GAUGE IN CASE YOU WERE CHALLENGED TO A DUEL?
If your impulse is to keep the glove on your person, you may be suffering from Acute Gauge Anxiety (AGA).
-
ORANGE YOU AMAZED? AMELIA MIRANDA SETS NEW TRANSATLANTIC RECORD (GORKO CAPTION CONTEST)
BREAKING NEWS CELEBRATED FLY LADY AMELIA MIRANDA SET A NEW TRANSATLANTIC FLIGHT RECORD FOR BEING THE FIRST WOMAN TO FLY SOLO ACROSS THE ATLANTIC WHILE BALANCING A PILE OF FRUIT ON HER HEAD. ‘NOW WE’RE SUCKING DIESEL,’ REMARKED CONNOR O’SULLIVAN,…
-
GOING TOE TO TOE WITH STEPHEN KING? THIS MAN NOT ONLY WROTE A SCARY BOOK, HIS FACE IS HIDEOUSLY DEFORMED
‘His ghastly face paralysis puts him in excellent company in the horror community.’
-
SATISFYING: DON MARKENBALDI FINALLY TRIPS OVER THE HAMMERS WE STREWED ACROSS HIS DRIVEWAY AND FALLS HARD ONTO THE RAKED GRAVEL WALK
Yes, there is blood, but reportedly the feared Don has already made his way inside the house so the extent of his injuries are yet to be confirmed.
-
MICKELIA EARHART SAYS THEY WILL NOT BE ENTERING THIS YEAR’S WOMEN’S TRANSCONTINENTAL AIR DERBY (GORKO CAPTION CONTEST)
BREAKING NEWS AIR AND ROCK ‘N’ ROLL ICON MICKELIA EARHART TOLD THE GORKO EARLIER TODAY VIA LONG-DISTANCE TELEPHONE THAT THEY HAVE DECIDED, AFTER CAREFUL DELIBERATION, NOT TO ENTER THIS YEAR’S WOMEN’S TRANSCONTINENTAL AIR DERBY, IN WHICH THEY HAVE PLACED AMONG…
-
FRIGHTENING! THIS TOURIST AND HER PAPER MAP
In a frightening new development, this local tourist is actually carrying around and consulting a paper map. Horrifying! The Gorko‘s advice? Steer clear if you know what is good for you. Photo by Nick Seagrave on Unsplash YOU MAY ALSO…
-
THE BRITISH MAN WHO IS SAVING ALL OF HIS USED FLOSS
Brian replied that he was just a humble citizen, doing what anyone else in his shoes would do if they could.
-
SURPRISING: THIS MAN TOOK YOUR BOTTLE OF GINGER ALE AND DRANK IT IN FRONT OF YOU AND YOU DID NOTHING TO STOP HIM
In a surprising development, this guy you had never even seen in your life came up to you at the park, took your cold ginger ale, and guzzled it down in front of you while you just sat there watching…
-
PEOPLE HAVING TROUBLE WITH SANDWICHES NO. 1 (GORKO CAPTION CONTEST)
ENTER THE GORKO CAPTION CONTEST FOR THIS IMAGE Free to enter because we want you to do our work for us! Favorite captions will be published at the end of each month. Photo by Arnaud_Martinez on istockphoto.com YOU MAY ALSO…
-
WHAT CONSTITUTES A JALOPY? THE GORKO ASKS 3 LOCAL TEENS TO EXPLAIN
They surprised me behind the gym and jalopied me all the way to next Tuesday.
-
2023 GORKO CAPTION CONTEST: ENTER TO WIN BIG KUDOS!
Favorite captions will be published at the end of each month.
-
FIND OUT WHAT THESE 3 CELEBRITIES SMELL LIKE
The model and host of television’s Bam Bam Bambi reportedly smells like roses, in AND out of the bathroom!
