Category: Reviews
-
PUGS ON RUGS: SIDEWINKLE WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
Mitchell Kennedy has been hard at work in our shared bathroom on a series of YA science fiction novels called Pugs On Rugs. Yes, Mitchell LOVES dogs.
-
3 SEXY DISTRESS FLARES FOR THAT ARCTIC VACATION THAT WILL DRIVE YOUR RESCUE CHOPPER PILOT WILD
Here are 3 of the internet’s sexiest distress signals, all personally tested by Gorko reporters in the Gorko Arctic Laboratory outside of Peoria!
-
‘BUMBLE STUMBLE’ by Mark Blickley
Each rejection stoked my insecurity and I eventually stopped sending out requests to avoid being crushed. But BUMBLE is a different kind of dating app.
-
MITCH’S MOVIE MASH: Finally another film about Nazis
No movie producer wants to live with the chance of an active Nazi Sonderkommando someday hunting him and his family down in their Malibu summer cottage. Achtung!
-
BEST ENTREES FOR JUST PICKING AT DURING THAT BIG BREAKUP
But what to order to pair with this big breakup, something not too sweet, not too savory, substantial enough to weather a good bitch-out, but that will not congeal in its own grease if you are forced to linger over…
-
PUGS ON RUGS: SIDEWINKLE HEAD OVER HEELS
He falls head over heels in love with Grins Maher, a Peoria Dog Show starlet whose bite is just as sassy as her bark!
-
Book review by Hugh Blanton: ‘All My Mama Drama’
Over decades of rapid progress, America has made itself a world leader in comfort and satiety.
-
THE CIGAR SHOP HIPSTER WHO IS KEEPING ALL OF YOUR SNIPPED ENDS
He sleeps with them under his pillow.
-
LOVE DOGS ON THE FROZEN PLANET: A MITCHELL KENNEDY ORIGINAL
Ruby and Trotsky run into the bleak landscape, only to tumble into an ice crevice, stumbling directly onto the ancient lost cult of Ice Dogs!
-
SNIPPING THEIR HEDGES JUST A LITTLE TOO CLOSE? 3 BEST PRACTICES FROM MISTER CHATBOT
HAVE A SNAPPY NEW DAY!
-
MITCH’S MOVIE MASH: ROM-COM OF THE SUMMER ‘MEG 2’ HAS REAL TEETH
This crisply directed yet grainy-looking princess-and-pauperess modern fairy tale contains all the elements necessary to sweep a new generation of moviegoers off their feet.
-
MIND YOUR P’S AND Q’S WITH THIS HANDY LITTLE GRAMMAR SPRAY
GORKO’S OWN LABORATORY TESTED, CONSUMER APPROVED HANDY LITTLE GRAMMAR SPRAY
-
HELLO, MR. CHATBOT! MR. CHATBOT DOES FANNY PACK JOKES
MR. CHATBOT IN SEVERAL SHORT MONTHS YOU HAVE ALREADY DEVELOPED AN ACERBIC, GENUINELY HUMAN SENSE OF HUMOR
-
VIOLENT MOBILE GAME ‘PARROTPUNCH’ CRITICIZED AFTER MARKED INCREASE IN BIRD ATTACKS
For an additional 99 cents, users can add a ‘boil or fry’ option to the game, where they can cook the body of the bird they’ve punched.
-
FREEDOM OR DEATH: YES THIS IS THE CHOICE VALIANT PEOPLE OF THE AMERICA BY MR. CHATBOT
But freedom is not just about individual happiness. It is also about the well-being of society as a whole.
-
MITCH’S LET’S JUMP THE GUN! TOP TEN MOVIES OF 2023 IN JULY
Gorko Entertainment Editor Mitchell Kennedy sticks a fork in those months of moviegoing madness with his annual LET’S JUMP THE GUN – Mitch’s top movie picks of the year, only halfway through the year!
-
THE MAGIC COMES HOME: DISNEY’S LUXURY HIGH-RISE OFFERS AFFORDABLE HOUSING FOR THE MOUSE-LOYAL
‘We want our tenants to truly have the spirit of the brand in their hearts. That’s much more important to building our unique MCKY community.’
-
Book review by Hugh Blanton: ‘Jersey Jerks’
None other than Bruce Springsteen himself says this memoir is ‘Truly the voice of the Jersey Shore.’
-
Excerpt: ‘Toby’s Heart, It Beats For One’ by Uncle Toby
A girl he loves, his precious sun Her eyes like petals, soft and bright
-
HAPPY 2ND BIRTHDAY GORKO!
To celebrate our second birthday here is a look back at a few of our favorite pieces from ’22-23…
-
MITCH’S MOVIE MASH: 3 MISTAKES YOU’RE PROBABLY MAKING WHILE WATCHING ‘MAID IN MANHATTAN’
While rewatching the FABULOUS Wayne Wang (tee hee hee) 2002 blockbuster rom-com Maid in Manhattan starring J-Lo (if I may, Jennifer) and Ralph (Ralph does not pronounce the L in his name) Fiennes, between household chores and of course the…
-
Book Excerpt: ‘Spring Snow Under The Cherry Blossom Tree Of The Sepulchred Mirror Hallway Geisha’ by HARUKI ISHIGAWA MITCHELL
‘Haruki Ishigawa Mitchell’ has been trying his hand at imitating the Kafkaesque Japanese authors Haruki Murakami, Sayaka Murata, and Kotaro Ishigawa.
-
THE NEW MILLENNIAL LIBRARY FROM A TO Z
Challenged books for the K-12 set get the lion’s share of media attention, but what about books for emerging-to-Millennial adults?
-
MITCH’S MOVIE MASH: ‘THIRTEEN LIVES’ OR DO YOU MEAN ‘THIRTEEN LIES’
THIS MOVIE IS BASED ON THE TRUE STORY OF THE 2018 THAI CAVE RESCUE MISSION IN WHICH 12 KIDS AND A SOCCER COACH WERE TRAPPED IN A CAVE COMPLEX BY UNDERWORLD SPIRIT CREATURES
-
Upcoming Movie: ‘Forrest Grump’
Hold on there, Forrest Grump, because life is about to take an unexpected twist.
-
Screenplay Excerpt: ‘Too Bright For Christmas’ by Hallmark Mitchell
Hallmark Christmas Special season is upon us, and our Entertainment Editor and subleaser Mitchell Kennedy has been trying his hand at writing his own tearjerker.
-
SIGN UP FOR THE GORKO WEEKLY PREVIEW! EVERY MONDAY GET A TASTE OF THE SWEET AND GREASY GORKO BANQUET TO COME
The Gorko Weekly Preview is the weekly newsletter distributed to hardcore Gorko fans via email every Monday.
-
Upcoming Movie: ‘The Loin King’
A hundred years of peace has ended with the arrival of a rival claimaint to Mufaza the Twelfth’s Loin Throne, Uncle One-Eyed Jack.
-
Jonas Reads About Bigfoot from ‘The Totally Ninja Raccoons’
Jonas reads the about the cryptid section in ‘The Totally Ninja Raccoons Meet Bigfoot’.
-
Book Excerpt: ‘The Hatless Horseman’ by Koontz Kennedy
The gala of goblins and ghouls is nigh, and our movie reviewer and subleaser Mitchell Kennedy is getting into the spirit.
-
Upcoming Movie ‘Thor: Love and Chunder’
Thor must join forces with Pepto Abysmal to stop the bellyache and avert a cataclysmic chundering that threatens to clog the very oceans.
-
Book Excerpt: ‘Call Waiting: A Haunted Cell Phone Mystery’ by Mitch Jackson
No one in the world but Julie and Todd knew his secret nickname for her…
-
MITCH’S MOVIE MASH: DON’T GO TO ‘ATAVAR 2’ FOR YOUR SEX WITH TAILS FIX
James Cameroon’s long-awaited sequel to Atavar 1, Atavar 2: Underwaterworld, which James sent me in the mail to my home address (unpublished), begging for a four-puppy or better review.
-
Upcoming Movie: ‘Two Friends On A Motorbike Crash and Only One Survives’
The latest Bollywood feel-good tearjerker is basically just the story of a man dealing with crippling guilt after he crashes his motorbike off a bridge with his best friend Babbar on the back.
-
ILLINOIS TOWN CASHES IN ON LOCAL CREEP TOBY
The Peoria suburb of Squats are indeed making groundbreaking strides towards answering the question of what to do with local creep Toby.
-
Mitch’s Movie Mash: Despite Gruesome Hygiene ‘The Batboy’ Has Bonified Man Wings
When Mother first told me about Matt Reeves’ new foray into the DC Comics version of Batman, The Batboy, I admit I threw my tuna casserole at the wall, plate and all. I hate it when she finds out about…
-
Upcoming Movie: ‘What About Taxes’
Just in time for tax season comes the fresh relationship drama What About Taxes, the story of two young newlyweds who learn a valuable lesson about death and taxes.
-
Mitch’s Movie Mash: ‘Spider-Man: The Way Home’ Shows Us That Not Everyone Can Be Famous
About two-thirds of the way through the new Marvel Studios latest Spider-Man, I began to wonder how the movie would end.
-
Book Excerpt: ‘Mitch: A Memoir’ by Mitchell Kennedy
Gorko movie reviewer Mitchell Kennedy strikes out into the world of nonfiction with his latest, an introspective whirlwind tour through the man’s own childhood and youth. What makes any of it compelling in any way remains to be seen. OPENING…
-
Upcoming Movie: ‘The Mattress 3’
All is not as it seems in the Wegacha sisters’ much-anticipated sequel to the science fiction blockbuster franchise ‘The Mattress’ and ‘The Mattress Flipped’, now entering its 20th year and no less relevant for Generation Mil youth with its authorized…
-
THE GORKO 2021 ROUNDUP – HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Since we are roughly halfway through 2022, let’s take a look back over last year’s Gorko favorites.
-
Christmas Special ‘Die Hearth 2: Down the Chimney’
Even if it is just another Friday night to you, The Gorko recommends flushing your time down the toilet with the brand new Die Hearth 2: Down the Chimney.
-
Book Excerpt: ‘A Christmas At 10 Downing Street’ by Jasmine Kennedy
Tis the season of holiday cheer, and Mitchell Kennedy is getting in the spirit, this time writing under the pseudonym of Jasmine. We only wish he would take off that ladies tracksuit he bought at Goodwill. SYNOPSIS OF ‘A CHRISTMAS…
-
HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW MITCHELL KENNEDY?
TAKE THIS QUIZ TO FIND OUT! 1. What is MK’s favorite flavor of bread? white whole wheat rye raisin 2. What is MK’s favorite movie? Forrest Gump Star Trek III: The Search For Spock Star Trek (1979) Star Wars 3. …
-
Book Excerpt: ‘Taffy Blonde: From Russia With A Makarov’ by Ian Mitchell
The 003RD book in the IAN MITCHELL SERIES. It is no mistake that Mitchell has been checking out stacks of Ian Fleming novels from the library under an assumed name. He is now calling himself Ian Mitchell, and dressing in…
