Category: Headlines
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The Lemondrop Dream Blog: Husband won’t honor 6 of 10 non-negotiables
My dh (dear husband) of 8 years has recently begun sluffing off.
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EVERYONE HAS THEIR OWN DEEPLY FULFILLING IMAGINATIVE LIVES EXCEPT STEVE
Finally after two years our suspicions have been confirmed.
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MITCHELL KENNEDY MASTERCLASS IN ORDERING AT PEORIA’S FINEST 3 RESTAURANTS
Fine dining with a pet CAN be daunting for the inexperienced.
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Presidential Suite: Tempers, Temperatures, and Two Ex-Presidents (When Hissy Fits Make History) by Zenith Knox
After their wives kick them out of their homes, Bill and George are forced to share an apartment in Washington, D.C.
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Nixon Reeks Again by Wolfgang Wright
According to an informant going by the name of ‘Deep Pudding,’ the lengthy gap in the June 20, 1972 audio tape was in fact erased deliberately.
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GORKO CHEF RAMBO BOLILLO RIGOROUSLY TESTS ANOTHER RECIPE
Here is a breakdown of Rambo’s famous test.
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3 decolorized photographs that drain the present of all vitality
3 breathtaking modern photographs that have been painstakingly decolorized and drained of their vibrant reality.
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A Pickleball Future by William P Adams
Soup-Soup Sarisi, the undefeated, undisputed Grand Champion Gherkin of all things Pickleball, claims the sport has ushered in a new era of peace and prosperity.
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SCIENTISTS SAY THEY ARE CLOSE TO OPENING ANOTHER CAN OF BAKED BEANS. COULD THE AGE OF DE-BEANING BE UPON US?
Stay strong — remain calm — be informed.
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BROTHER ETHERNAN DREAMS OF A MAN ON A DARK HORSE WIELDING A ROTATING SCYTHE IN A FUNNY HAT BEARING THE INSCRIPTION JOHN D.RE
So you’ve wet your small hard vermin-rid mattress again.
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SHOCKING NEW DOCUMENTARY ‘SOME LIKE IT HOT’ REVEALS TONY CURTIS’ SECRET LIFE AS FEMALE SAXOPHONIST
In her second groundbreaking documentary of the new decade, Navaeh Pierce-Waters Waterson-Washington tackles another infamous Hollywood legend, this one involving Academy Award-winning actor, comedian and playboy Tony Curtis. Not that we care, but Tony Curtis always struck us as the…
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GAME OF THRONES: A PHOTO ESSAY
Fifedale Morrifer tending the lawns astride his steel charger at Stony Sept, spring 298 C.E.
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TRY GORKO PRO© FOR 30 DAYS FREE!! FIND OUT WHAT YOU ARE MISSING WITH GORKO STANDARD
With Gorko Pro© you get access to all of the full articles, including actual punchlines.
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RATIONALIZATION STUDIES by Bob Gielow
Studies have documented that MARS Degree graduates are more likely to advance in their careers, and make more money, than peers unlearned in the benefits of rationalization.
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The Lemondrop Dream Blog: Cannibal Can Read Own Menu, Thank You Very Much
It is truly unbelievable that they think that just because I am a cannibal I am also some sort of illiterate retard.
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What We Talk About When We Talk About Kevin McCallister by Matthew Kasper and Mike Itaya
For me and Marv, burglarizing 671 Lincoln Boulevard was gonna be our gravy train.
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Keep just missing those second graders with your jump rope at recess? Why not try master jumproper David ‘Indiana Jones’ Greener’s new master class in roping
‘If they unlock the secret power of the Ark of the Covenant, civilization as we know it will be KAPUT.’
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WANT BETTER FLAVOR? START PLUCKING YOUR OWN CHICKENS, SAYS GORKO CHEF RAMBO BOLILLO
The real pride of Rambo’s henhouse, the real crown jewel in his cluck tower, are his meat hens.
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HAVE YOU COLLUDED WITH THE ENEMY BUT INTENTIONALLY OMMITTED KEY DETAILS?
We are here to clear your name, provided it is true what we heard, that you withheld vital information from your last five drops, risking torture and death at the hands of ‘Kusnetsov’ and ‘Sokolov’.
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Man Committed to Attending Women’s Equality March Too Tired, It Turns Out by Liz Lydic
‘Yeah, at first I was really, really into it,’ he said.
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THERE WERE PLANTS AND ROCKS AND BIRDS AND THINGS, BROTHER ETHERNAN
La, la, la, la, la, la La, la, la, la, la, la La, la, la, la, la, la La, la, la, la, la, la
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SUGARY DRINKS AND THE MEN WHO SELL THEM TO BABIES
The men sell babies unhealthy, dangerous drinks at practically every imaginable venue.
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3 THINGS EVERY MAN LOVES TO HEAR WHILE STUCK IN BUMPER-TO-BUMPER TRAFFIC
Make a joke out of something completely unfunny, like a flat tire.
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A VERY SMALL BOTTLE OF VODKA MAY STILL CONTAIN ENOUGH ALCOHOL TO MAKE YOU FEEL AMAZING, EXPERTS WARN
Gorko investigative journalists will be researching the phenomenon of small shooter bottles all afternoon.
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OH BOY THEY GAVE HIM THE RIGHT-HANDED PEN
I am going to take this right-handed pen and write a letter to the owner.
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The Summer I Grofulated, or, Verbal Abuse by Bill Kitcher
I looked both words up on the intertubes. Under ‘twimmle’, it says, ‘grofulate’.
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Your Submission to the Great Indian Kitty Party Club Anthology by Pushpa T.S.
Lastly, breathe a word of this to any living, dead or undead soul and you’ll be canceled and obliterated from the Indian writing scene altogether.
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MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISON GUARDS PLAY MAXIMUM STAKES CARD GAME
Betting at the towering Supermax normally begins with a $1 buy-in.
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LOOK AFTER YOUR MATE: A UNI-FRIENDLY GUIDE TO SUPPORT YOUR STRUGGLING CLASSMATES BY ZOÉ MAHFOUZ
Life is tough. Get a helmet.
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MAN FALLS DOWN SHAFT OF HIS OWN MAKING
Indications are that the shaft the man identified as Patty Jelly fell down late last night was a hole he himself had excavated.
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BOXER THE BOXER IN THE DOG HOUSE AGAIN
Boxer the Boxer was silent when asked about his role in the accident, but his face is guilty AF.
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GORKO CHEF RAMBO BOLILLO CLAIMS VEGANUARY DROVE HIM TO DRINK
Did you know that Chef Rambo also appreciates a nice leafy salad, or did before Veganuary drove him into an alcoholic freefall?
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A ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME PROBABLY A TULIP OR A MARIGOLD
The best explanation is most often the simplest.
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Odds for Henley vs. Marlene in the Pick-a-Loupe© Contest
Marlene is the heavily favored shopper in this week’s contest.
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PLATE OF CAREFULLY SHUCKED EARS OF CORN APPEARS ON PEORIA STREET CORNER EVERY FOURTH THURSDAY IN JANUARY AND NO ONE KNOWS WHY
‘Whoever this person is, they are top gear shuckers.’
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Introducing the Three Stooges Program for Raising Healthy Kids by J.L. Asmundsson
Other parents may mortify their teenaged offspring by such acts as clearing a throat or speaking to someone, but little Suzy is now made of sterner stuff.
